Sensory issues as a child

It’s important I know I have Autism, not so that I define myself by it, but knowing I have it means I can look back on my memories and rightly place them with my Autism diagnosis.

It’s fair to say that I was never encouraged to think independently as a child. In a way that helped with my neurological issues, because I coped better not having to make decisions. Sensory issues flag up so many issues that you don’t always understand, and without the understanding, it’s easy to place those experiences elsewhere.

So memories like going to guide camp I am now able to recall my problems and place my experiences better. Even before I got to gamp, the whole idea filled me with trepidation. Having touched base with camp, I remember feeling incredibly scared. My stomach was in knots. Feeling panicky and being completely out of my depth, by tea time those in charge had already called my parents for them to take me home.

Since my diagnosis and for the first time now, I am able to place and understand my experiences. It was all down to my sensory issues that I didn’t know I had and I thought it was all about being homesick. Just thinking about something can send my mind into overdrive. The whole camp thing didn’t look or feel right and it not feeling right made me feel homesick.

The open spaces made everything feel and look scary. Everything about camp felt scary. I can remember those feeling as if they were yesterday. They are the same feelings I get when I work through anything new.

I remember being invited to stay with family in Grimsby for a few days and my mum dropping me off at my father’s work because he was taking me. But I froze because I knew I couldn’t do it. I didn’t go.

18 Feb, 2019

4 thoughts on “Sensory issues as a child

  1. Yes, I’m sure that it would have helped tremendously if you had have known about the Autism on top of everything else that you had to deal with.

    My mother tried to stop me from making my own decisions and brainwashed me into being her emotional teddy bear to make her happy. What it did to me was make me the perfect people pleaser, who didn’t feel right about making his own decisions, which has plagued me to this day.

    I’m also guessing that being forced to do things like go to bible camp when we were kids, even though it was traumatising to me, left me with the idea that I wasn’t allowed to control my own life.

    This must be why at 50 years old, I’m trying to figure out how to run my own life and why I need to escape from a toxic relationship that I don’t deserve to be trapped in.

    1. Thanks Randy. Yes, it’s a problem when parents control our lives, and we’re still expected to pick up the pieces for ourselves.

      Yes it would have been helpful for me to know about my Autism as a child, but like you, it wasn’t how my story went, in the same way your story didn’t work out the way it should have.

      All you can do now is find an understanding on your experiences, so that you can move on and create the life you want to have.

      I believe you are trying to figure out how to run your own life. Keep up the good work you’re doing.

  2. It’s great that all of your experiences in your life are now making sense, but I have to say incredulous that you had to wait until now to put everything in its place.

    Thankfully you wont ever have to question yourself ever again.

    1. Thank you. Yes, I try not to think about that side for too long for obvious reasons, but feel I have become victorious. This should never have been a thing.

      Although, it is clear I was never meant to know, I never gave up hope that one day I would. That was always my belief and how karma works.

      Thankfully now I will never have to question myself again and that feels good.

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