Setting the standards

Parents tend to set the standards from a very early age. But one of the most important factors of any child’s upbringing is what that child is exposed to from childhood into adulthood, therefore it’s important we set the right standards.

Sadly, children are not only influenced by their parents, but by other family including their grandparents, aunts, uncles etc. It is those influences that will also have an impact, so it’s important their influences have the right impact.

Our early influences will influence every decision we go on to make in our adult years. It’s fine so long as all influences are uniform, what parents want for their children, but may cause friction if other people’s influences fall below what we want for our children.

We all have different values and standards and it is those different values and standards that become the conflict between families. Where parents often have to compete with extended family that isn’t right.

We attach importance to values or judge values as being important. Values give our life meaning. Other factors may include a child’s education, external influences and culture which all play its part. Values are the building blocks and form the basis of our decisions and how we live our lives. Our core values are the difference between right and wrong and good or bad.

Children will always have external influences, but those influences should not set the standard above the standards set out by the parents, otherwise it will only lead to family conflict.

Unfortunately, it is these outside influences that begin to interfere with the parents’ role and the parent having to compete with their child.

21 Jun, 2012

6 thoughts on “Setting the standards

  1. I agree with this totally, especially having had the ‘benefit’ of a great amount of external influences throughout my married life, almost all of which has been negative and damaging.

    It took a while but we learned to recognise and limit the influence and are now making efforts to repair the harm.

    It will be a long process.

    1. I think your experiences will reflect many other people’s experiences, possibly in a different format, or even the same.

      It seems to have become the norm. Even if some of those influences don’t come from family, I think society as a whole tend to have their own take on people and their lives.

      I hope things change soon.

  2. Considering I grew up with very low standards, I have always expected the least out of life.

    It has been very difficult to learn how to improve my standards so that my life is a lot better.

    It would be great if I could one day feel comfortable as far as feeling like I deserve a lot better out of life.

    1. I totally understand Randy. Our past has a lot to do with the way we live our life as an adult, but whatever your past has brought, you can change and work to your own standards now.

      As children those standards are set by our parents, but as the adult we can work to make the changes we need to make that will bring about the life we want to live. It’s just a matter of working it through.

      It’s taken me time too, but it’s well worth the effort.

  3. I grew up around my entire family. We were and still are very close. We get together at least twice a year and we live close to each other with a couple of exceptions that live out of state.

    We all have the same beliefs and our grandparents did too, so we all get along great. We wouldn’t mind our kids being around any of the rest of the family since we all share the same beliefs.

    Love is the main thing and we are there for each other in times of need. Our nickname is “The cousins” not too original but it has stuck all these years.

    1. It’s lovely when family share the same beliefs and get on. My experiences are unfortunately the total opposite of your experiences.

      Of course each situation is different; each family is different and some clearly get it right. You’re lucky to have that.

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