Square peg, round hole

For me dealing with sensory issues is like trying to fit a square peg, into a round hole. Unless the peg matches perfectly, in practicalities and looks, the issues that bring me to that place will never be a good fit. It’s how sensory issues work.

It may seem trivial and over the top to someone who doesn’t deal with sensory issues through brain damage, but it’s the biological and physical issues that I have to deal with that can make the issues I deal with difficult, where in every day circumstances they would feel pretty normal to someone else. Trying to tie a thought process into a situation that doesn’t fit, or belong together, will always create anxiety and stress.

I can’t make something a perfect fit with neurological impairments. Unless I can find a way to reshape the edges and that’s not possible for me, I’ll always be dealing with trying to fit a square peg into a round hole scenario. If something for me doesn’t feel or fit right, it will never be a good fit. It’s taken me a lot of years to understand the feelings that come with it, but others struggle to fit into my life because of it.

Because my brain doesn’t present in the same way as a non-damaged brain, for me to understand the issues around an issue that seems perfectly normal to someone else, or can easily be addressed by someone else, can become a big deal. When I am presented with any issue that feels out of my depth, feelings of panic set in through the pit of my stomach, until such a time the issue is sorted out.

Unfortunately, when it happens, it’s something I have little control over. I really need others to understand and work with me so that the holes get to fit better, but they don’t always have the patience, because they’re not looking at the issue I’m being presented with as a problem.


25 Oct, 2016

4 thoughts on “Square peg, round hole

  1. I think your final paragraph really says it all. It’s not for others to judge, but for them to understand and be empathetic to your sensory issues.

    I am sure this is difficult at times, but with understanding comes patience and you will probably feel you are being listened to and your sensory difficulties appreciated and not ignored.

    1. Yes, quite but in reality it doesn’t quite work like that. Unfortunately that all depends on the other person, but you’re absolutely right that with understanding comes patience, but the other person has to have both and that’s where the difficulties arise.

      Not everyone is equipped or wants to understand; that all depends on their attitude and where they are themselves. Even though I still have my own issues to deal with, I would never not want to help or understand other people’s issues.

      We just have to want to help in whatever capacity we can, regardless of what we deal with. If it’s not an issue brought about by me but someone else, perhaps it’s they who must look at finding middle ground with me.

      There is always a reason behind my sensory issue that is the reason why it doesn’t quite fit.

  2. Exactly! People won’t be able to understand what it is you’re trying to say unless they have to deal with those issues themselves.

    I’m not always able to fully understand, but I do seem to have a knack for catching on to what point they’re trying to make somehow. I’m sure it has a lot to do with being an empath and being a lot more sympathetic than most, due to all of my issues.

    I just see so many people getting impatient with someone who has, say, Cerebral Palsy, when it may take them just a little longer to do things like get on an elevator. I also grew up in a world where they threw us to the wolves and basically said think quick.

    We didn’t exactly get any of the right tools to deal with the world, so we had to learn to make do with what we had. I often find myself quite literally trying to force that square peg into a round hole, because I’m not used to having other options.

    We went through an example of that where I was ready to drag a TV stand across the room to make it work when all I had to do was drop the cable box to be able to plug it in. It may sound silly to some people, but that’s one of my issues where I only see A and B when there’s a whole lot of other letters to choose from.

    My girlfriend thinks I do this intentionally to annoy her, but my brain doesn’t always work right. Maybe if people gave others a little common courtesy, we would be off to a great start.

    1. Thanks Randy, yes quite. It’s certainly not silly and I get you, even though others may not. It doesn’t matter though, what matters is what you know. You go as fast or as slow as you want. There is no time limit.

      Although it used to bother me, it doesn’t bother me now. All it does is shows other people’s ignorance around what we deal with. People understand what they want to understand.

      If the shoe were on the other foot they would certainly have something to say about our behaviour. In a world where there is a lot of uncertainty, you would hope we would want to help and support each other.

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