For me dealing with sensory issues is like trying to fit a square peg, into a round hole. Unless the peg matches perfectly, in practicalities and looks, the issues that bring me to that place will never be a good fit. It’s how sensory issues work.
It may seem trivial and over the top to someone who doesn’t deal with sensory issues through brain damage, but it’s the biological and physical issues that I have to deal with that can make the issues I deal with difficult, where in every day circumstances they would feel pretty normal to someone else. Trying to tie a thought process into a situation that doesn’t fit, or belong together, will always create anxiety and stress.
I can’t make something a perfect fit with neurological impairments. Unless I can find a way to reshape the edges and that’s not possible for me, I’ll always be dealing with trying to fit a square peg into a round hole scenario. If something for me doesn’t feel or fit right, it will never be a good fit. It’s taken me a lot of years to understand the feelings that come with it, but others struggle to fit into my life because of it.
Because my brain doesn’t present in the same way as a non-damaged brain, for me to understand the issues around an issue that seems perfectly normal to someone else, or can easily be addressed by someone else, can become a big deal. When I am presented with any issue that feels out of my depth, feelings of panic set in through the pit of my stomach, until such a time the issue is sorted out.
Unfortunately, when it happens, it’s something I have little control over. I really need others to understand and work with me so that the holes get to fit better, but they don’t always have the patience, because they’re not looking at the issue I’m being presented with as a problem.