Struggling to come to terms

Getting myself off the starting block for taking the vaccine, is near to impossible. Living with Covid-19 has sent my anxiety and autism into overdrive. For every reason I tell myself I can do it, I’ve already given myself ten reasons why I can’t.

With issues outstanding around the main two vaccines, those problems are sending my autistic brain into overdrive. I want to make the decision, but I need to feel comfortable in my gut with my decision.

A normal thinking brain will ask when, not if, with an autistic brain it’s always if. I have always struggle to rationale and come to terms with the bigger things. I’m not expecting everyone to understand how this works, but I hope they will.

It’s irritating that I was never given the tools as a child to get through what I deal with around my mental illness, let alone know that I had one.  As I continue to struggle in the pandemic, this time around taking the vaccine, I can’t help but think about how my fate has turned out with my mental struggles.

I am home and when I go out I use a KN95/FP2 mask, I social distance and try to avoid eye contact. Where that isn’t possible I continue to sanitise my hands.


28 Jun, 2021

2 thoughts on “Struggling to come to terms

  1. Whilst many things about the pandemic are beyond your control and heightened because of your autism, when you look back over the last 18 months. From what you say in your blogs, you have made great progress.

    Continue to take things at your pace. You’re doing great!

    1. Thank you for the gentle reminder that I actually am. There are days, when I feel as though I’m treading water, literally getting nowhere fast.

      The little information out there about the pandemic and the vaccines is making me more stressed and anxious.

      There is also a lot of scaremonger going on. I need to take time for ‘me’ to try to get to grips with the pandemic, and in my own way. It may take time.

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Ilana x