Symptoms & diagnoses

I wish I could say that all my symptoms are boxed and ticked under the right diagnosis, but sadly that’s isn’t the case. Yet more confusion.

Some of my symptoms could form part of the Cerebral Palsy scenario and some part of the Spina Bifida Occulta diagnosis. Given my history, I may never get to know, unless I can piece together all my medical records and history, and see if there are any more letters that explain more about all my neurological symptoms.

Where the consultation was an open door for my father to ask questions about my presenting symptoms and struggles, his non-interested attitude meant he chose not to ask. There was never a problem with me as far as he was concerned.

You couldn’t make this story up, but there again I’m not sure you’d want to. Away from my website I still think about and try to comprehend the enormity of the abuse, made worse because of the extended confusion. In my case I may have to come to terms with the fact that I may never have all the answers.

Not able to find an acceptance or forgiveness on either. I’m now frustrated, agitated and angry. As I try to unravel more pieces to the jigsaw, I will continue to piece together which symptoms fit into which diagnosis. I’m not done.

Perhaps more of my medical records might shed some light on all of the issues here.

10 Dec, 2017

2 thoughts on “Symptoms & diagnoses

  1. You have a right to feel all of those things and more. I hope the medical notes will, once and for all, give you all the information that you need to finally pieces this unfortunate jigsaw together.

    While this was always your path, it didn’t have to be so rocky.

    1. Thank you. I still have some work to do on this. Slightly numb. But I also know that without this life I wouldn’t be doing what I’m doing, but at least knowing my diagnosis, would have made it more palatable.

      It’s not right, I can’t change my experiences, it also doesn’t change the way I feel about the people who put me through this, but it has given me a platform and it’s made me stronger and more focused.

      If you believe things happen for a reason, then my site is the reason.

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Ilana x