The bare facts

Even if I had known about my diagnosis at 2, my circumstances would have had to change for my experiences around a disability I didn’t know I had to change.

My team of specialists had already pointed out my potential learning difficulties. They had concerns and I slipped through the net. They needed to make sure I was getting the help. They needed to follow through. It should have happened, it didn’t.

I had a diagnosis, but their job was to follow through on all their concerns. A diagnosis doesn’t highlight your symptoms. My specialists will not have known about those, but a different specialist would have been able to diagnose my autism. Instead, it was ignored, how do you reconcile it?

I am irritated, but there is no point in dwelling, dwelling would leave me in a very dark place. For me it’s thinking others only ever had my best interest and then after 46 years, finding out they didn’t. That is hard to reconcile.

It is important I use what I know to continue to move forward and not dwell so much on what’s happened. It’s hard to know, accept and reconcile that those close to you should have had your back and didn’t.

I’m not sure how you reconcile, I don’t think you do, you just find somewhere to put it, where you allow yourself to function in your own normal.

1 Mar, 2020

2 thoughts on “The bare facts

  1. What a very good question. How do you not dwell on all of the what ifs when you think of how different things could have been?

    I’m sure that’s why I have such troubles sleeping as I’m struggling with what to do with my life to be able to make the best of it? Most people have a chance to figure out what they want to be, but I didn’t have that luxury, so I’m trying to figure it out now.

    Things could have been so much better for both of us, if our issues hadn’t been ignored and we hadn’t slipped through the cracks. I find it extremely annoying when people tell me I shouldn’t be so cynical and pessimistic when they don’t know what I went through.

    I’m sure you can relate. I’m watching a show that is supposed to be set in the 70’s and only serves to remind me of a time that I wish I could forget considering what it was like.

    1. Thanks Randy. I also struggled to get past that. Even through counselling I would ask the same question. Why does the brick wall have to be there? What’s so difficult, just being open about things?

      My counsellor would continue to say, they aren’t going to change so you have to and I didn’t get how that worked, until I got it.

      I needed to stop beating myself up over what I saw as my failings and take responsibility for those. Sadly, the more we blame, the more we continue to blame.

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