I find it sad that I was 46 before I found out I had cerebral palsy, and also that it wasn’t a freak of nature or a mistake by a midwife that caused my injury. It was a mistake by the specialist looking after my mum, leaving her too long and letting her get into distress after my twin was born.
Would my life be any different now without cerebral palsy? I’m not sure I can answer that question because that wasn’t the life I had. I seem to go through phases where I’m grieving for the loss of something that wasn’t afforded to me, as a consequence of something else that’s happened. I am tied to my condition.
While I was born with physical problems that led to emotional issues and it’s something I’ve had to come to terms with, not being able to share my thoughts with my family has been my biggest loss.
There are questions I may never have the answers for. I fear the only answers I will have are the ones in my head.