It’s only when someone is no longer in our lives that we come to analyse and understand the relationship we had with that person.
It’s also only when that person is no longer in our lives that we can fully equate how our lives turned out and how in hindsight there would have been lots we would have liked to change, but know we couldn’t. Even through trying, I know what I know, nothing could or would have ever changed.
When I come to see the bigger picture with that person who is no longer in my life, I also get to see other pictures too. Relationships are intertwined, so that when we’re looking at one relationship, we’re also looking at other relationships that were part of the same scenario. It’s our job to fully understand those relationships, so that we can make informed choices on all of them together.
Looking back at my life, I find it hard to equate that I never quite knew the person I thought I knew. Being in the thick of something doesn’t give us the full insight of the situation we’re in or what we deal with. It’s only ever when we look back that we understand and see, by which time it’s often too late to change anything.
It doesn’t take away what’s been said or done by that person, or anyone else of course. Their roles will always be their roles. They’re still accountable, but it does pave the way for us to understand their roles. With any scenario playing out, it’s important to let go of what we went through in those times.
I will only ever choose to look back and own what’s mine. The anger I will own, but the anger was a consequence of living in the dark as a child, I won’t own that as it had nothing to do with me. As I got older, I got better at handling my anger, so the anger I had was channelled more. It would go on to take me until my early twenties to change that.
What happened to me isn’t easily forgotten or forgiven. It would be like saying it’s okay to live with and be around abuse and I could never say that. It is what it is, I don’t have to like or agree with it, but I must come to accept it.