The grieving process

Perhaps the grieving process shouldn’t just be about mourning the person we lose, but the same process should be applied to other areas of our life.

The job we lost out on or go on to lose, or in my case, the diagnosis I didn’t get. The upbringing we craved for and wish we had. The failed relationships we wish we could have handled differently. The past we’ve come to struggle with that we can’t let go.

I believe these things should be part of the same process. That way it may be easier to let go of the things that we can’t seem to let go of.


19 Dec, 2015

6 thoughts on “The grieving process

  1. Rightly or wrongly, I’m not one for the grieving process, it just not me and never has been.

    I tend to dust myself off and get on with things instead, although I can see what you mean about it being part of the process of coming to terms with things.

    1. I’m not sure there’s a right or wrong way, just a way that works for you. The trouble is when we don’t deal with our issues, or work through those issues, whether we use the grieving process or not, we’re still left with ALL our issues.

      We tend not to see it that way, our issues are usually left at someone else’s door. I have never needed to go through the grieving process per sae because I understand my life, why and how I got here and have dealt with a lot of my issues.

      I do think it depends on the issues of course, but for those of us who continue to struggle, the process of letting go is part of the grieving process scenario, so perhaps that needs to happen.

  2. You’re absolutely right! Whether we admit it or not, there’s a grieving process in all areas of disappointment, including failure. Like Brad, I shrugged it off, but underneath my skin I’m grieving and pretending it’s not bothering me.

    But the Creator made us to work through our disappointments and imperfections and I receive that.

    1. Thanks Tim! I think if more of us came to understand that, we’d deal with our issues and with other people better.

      The more we hang on to our issues, disappointments and failures, the more those will impact others, although we’re not always consciously aware that is what we’re actually doing.

  3. I’m thinking this is the one thing I never really had a chance to do and what has been haunting me all this time!

    There was so much taken away from me and things I gave up that I never properly grieved over. There were so many things that happened that I didn’t know if it was my parents fault, my fault or the fault of someone else.

    They always ran away from their problems without ever dealing with them, so it’s no wonder where I learned that from! The most I feel the need to grieve over is what I could have done with my life, had I known how to properly deal with it.

    The reality is that so many people waste their whole lives wallowing in their pity pot and never get anywhere. I see it quite often in the nursing home that my father is in, with people who are just so miserable and praying for death.

    They seemed fixated on a few events in their lives, like my father, who always mentions us travelling to Arizona and the fact that his father committed suicide. We heard this our whole childhood, whenever he got drunk, which was quite often and something he seemed to blame himself for. There were just so many things that he would dwell on constantly and didn’t know how to let go of.

    I’m thinking that the grieving process is something a lot of people don’t go through until the very end, when it’s too late to do anything about it. My life would be so much better, if I could finally let go of what isn’t my baggage, to deal with what is and to be able to know the difference.

    I’m constantly being reminded of the Serenity Prayer, which is what I have to focus on when I’m in those moments. I have to be able to accept the things I can’t change, work on the things I can and hopefully have the wisdom to know the difference!

    1. Thanks Randy. I think you’re right about the grieving process, but perhaps some people don’t go through it because they’re not always sure how to grieve, or how to let go.

      To grieve is individual. We will all grieve differently and must learn to adjust into our lives emotionally. When we’ve come through the other end of the grieving process, we should come to understand our lives and will learn how to deal with the issues we need to deal with. I believe it.

      If we find an acceptance through our understanding, we will gain wisdom in the process. I love the serenity prayer, because it serves as a gentle reminder of acceptance, understanding and wisdom. All the things we need, to help us in our lives.

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