I am not sure how I feel today. The emotional ties of bringing stability to our lives takes time and effort and can be an emotional strain sometimes. Keeping my family’s lives on track, means having to pull out the stops constantly. I have to think quickly on my feet and put all that I deal with emotionally, on hold. That isn’t easy.
I never stop to think about what I deal with, not consciously anyway.I keep going back to having had no emotional support. It sometimes weighs heavily and having had to support myself for so long, has meant that I have withdrawn from the realities of what I deal with.
I have written other blogs about my feelings, and have a different thought process each time. There are other times when I stop to question my thoughts, but there are also times where I feel I’m coping well and seem happy, then I revert back.
It may be that I’ve not come out of that place fully, the place I retreat to when I’m feeling down, the safety net that puts a wall up around me so that I can cope. Emotionally I live there, but I usually come out when I feel stronger.