I am not sure how I feel today. The emotional ties of bringing stability to our lives, takes time and effort and can be an emotional strain, whilst I continue to deal with Cerebral Palsy. Keeping my family’s lives on track, means having to pull out the stops constantly. To think quickly on my feet and to put all that I deal with emotionally on hold. That isn’t easy.
I never really stop to think about what I deal with, not consciously anyway. I’m sure I would have very mixed thoughts if I did. I keep going back to having had no emotional support. It sometimes weighs heavily and having had to support myself for so long, has meant that I have withdrawn from the realities of what I deal with.
I have written blogs before about my thoughts, but I seem to take a different emotional road every time, just so that I am able to support myself. There are times when I stop to question my thoughts, but there are also times where I’m coping well and seem happy, but then I revert back. I may continue to blog at this point.
It may be that I’ve not come out of that place fully, the place I used to retreat to when I was feeling down, the safety net that puts a wall around me so that I can cope and deal with what I have to. I do live my life in that place, but usually come out when I feel that bit stronger.
That’s how I cope and until it’s time of course to come back to the realities of what I deal with.