The same underneath

I am the same underneath as everyone else, but because I deal with a disability, how I got to this place tells an altogether different story.

I behave differently because I deal with a mental and emotional disability and that impacts my relationships, how I communicate, and how others get to communicate with me.

Any disability is difficult, even more so when the disability you deal with is invisible. I don’t look disabled but I am autistic, a disability in itself.

Even as a small child, I was aware something about me was different, in addition to having a bad leg and foot. I convinced myself I was wrong because no one said anything. Using my instinct as my guide, even as a child I was already working things out.

Many years on I still feel no different about how I got here and I know this feeling will never leave. I will get through it, as I have got through other things around my disability, but will not get over it.

Too many years have gone by, with too many skeletons in the closet and too much water under the bridge, none of which I had any control over.  Those were difficult times and that changes everything.

26 Aug, 2020

4 thoughts on “The same underneath

  1. I had an overwhelming sense of humility reading this blog – you endured your pain to bring hope, positivity and healing to others.

    1. Thanks Tim. A complete contrast to my early years. As a small child I was ready and wanting to know. Countless hospital visits still didn’t explain why.

      I had to wait for my circumstances to change. I had been ready for that day since I was a little girl. Away from my anger as a child, as the adult I was able to change some of that.

      Although I had changed prior to starting my website and finding out about cerebral palsy, my website and penning pen to paper, my blog has allowed me to talk about how I was able to handle my disappointment and rage.

      I found another way through that worked, it not only changed me, but gave me the answers I was looking for in a conciliatory way that has brought understanding for everyone concerned.

      As I have had to reconcile my experiences around my disability, now would be a good time for them to reconcile.

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