Things are clearer

There are too many things that happened in my formative years around my neurological issues that I didn’t understand back then that I have come to understand now and feel aggrieved that those things were allowed to happen.

Looking back my parents weren’t interested in changing anything. It’s also true that because my awareness was sadly lacking due to my neurological impairments, I never recognised any of the signs about how I felt, so when it came to relationships, those were clearly being monitored and given a fait accompli.

When I learned how to listen to my gut, working things out became easier. I would like to think my parents would have chosen to openly discuss things with me. As was the pattern, what was done, was usually done through ignorance and what was best for them, rather than through concern or what was best for me.

Unless a child is going off the rails and a parent has to intervene, as far as I’m aware, a child’s life is their life. Whatever happens in any of our relationships is up to us, not our parents. It’s up to our children to make their own decisions.

Sadly, not only has it taken 46 years for me to get a diagnosis, where unbeknown to me I had already been diagnosed, but it would go on to take another 8 years plus after that to have an understanding on my symptoms and an even clearer understanding of my life in its rawest form.

It’s all rather late in the day and not sitting pretty.

1 Jul, 2017

2 thoughts on “Things are clearer

  1. I can understand your feelings and no-one should be subjected to such treatment. You have done amazing things since your diagnosis and those who kept you in the dark for so long should be ashamed.

    You have proved your potential and some.

    1. Thanks you. The irony is that I never wittingly set out on this path, I was merely wanting to do something positive for the first time.

      But now knowing that I can and have achieved as much as I have, has spurred me on to do more. It’s also brought about more understanding of my life and my past. Life has a way of working out, if only we can believe.

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Ilana x