Thinking for ourselves

Looking at what I have managed to achieve through my website, it would be quite hard to believe that as a child I was a shy and insular child, underneath the anger.

I was scared to venture out of the bubble that had been created for me. Going to camp was a struggle. I’m not even sure I lasted a night there before my parents were told to come and pick me up. I was well out of my comfort zone.

Perhaps that’s the point. From an early age, we’re conditioned to believe what we’re told and whilst that works for some, it can’t and doesn’t work for everyone. It’s important we learn to challenge our conditioned thinking so that we start to think for ourselves.

Ultimately, it is our own thinking and not that of our parents that will help us deal with any challenges we have to meet. To be resilient, we must practice being open-minded and resourceful enough to accept the risks, but we must at least try.

Failure isn’t really failure. Failure is a way of telling us that what we tried was never meant for us. It’s an opportunity to start out again, for us to try a different approach. Sadly, society tends to dismiss failure as something frowned upon.

In my own case when everyone had already give up on me, I chose not to give up on myself and that’s the key. Where others fail to believe in us, we must believe in ourselves.

As I have proved through my blogs, that just because we may start one way, doesn’t mean we have to stay that way.

21 Jan, 2018

4 thoughts on “Thinking for ourselves

  1. Thinking for myself wasn’t something I was really allowed to do as a child, so it’s no wonder that I have spent most of my life having such a hard time with it.

    I was also very shy and introverted, partly by nature and partly because it was one of the few ways I had to protect myself. My parents basically used us like show ponies, to be trotted out and put on display when they wanted people to feel sorry for us, so they could get more of what they wanted, like extra food from the food pantries, or more money from people.

    My mother used her passive-aggressive ways, to ensure my 100% loyalty and made my life a living hell if I didn’t do her bidding. I’m sure that is why I have had such a problem with people pleasing, considering what I have tolerated over the years.

    Only now at my age, do I realize how truly horrible my life is, seeing as I have allowed other people to do my thinking for me. I pretty much gave up on the concept of living my own life as a very small child, seeing as I had parents who forced me to always put their needs before my own.

    I did have hopes and dreams, but with the example my parents set for us, they mostly showed us that you can’t accomplish anything and it’s easier just to give up, rather than ever really trying.

    People often wonder why it is that I sometimes say I would rather not have been born, than to have gone through my childhood; but they weren’t there and forced to suffer silently even when the pain was excruciating.

    My friend often wonders how and why I live the way I do with a girlfriend who is pretty obviously bat-shit crazy, but he doesn’t have any idea of how bad it truly was and still is in my mind.

    Mostly what I feel right now is rage and disappointment, seeing as I know what I could have possibly accomplished but never dared to even attempt and I need to figure out why.

    I didn’t even want to get out of bed yesterday morning, seeing as I was in such a dark place, between my current living situation and thinking of my mother who destroyed me, in ways most people can’t even begin to comprehend.

    Living my own life was like one of the ‘7 deadly sins in her mind,’ so eventually she broke my spirit and I submitted willingly to do her bidding. The concept of living my own life the way I want to is still such a foreign concept, but I know that people do actually do it every day.

    It would be so fantastic to finally feel free for the first time in my life, but I would happily settle for at least being comfortable in my own skin.

    1. Thanks Randy. Yes, thinking for myself wasn’t something I did either and like you had very little choice in the matter.

      I can understand your friend’s concern and understand you too. Speaking from my own experiences, the longer we continue to replay the same tapes in our heads, the longer we will ignore the things we need to change.

      In my own case, the opportunity arose when my mum became terminally ill, for me to think about my own circumstances and it was at that point that I seized the opportunity, to find out what was wrong with me.

      In your case although that time has passed and your parents are no longer with you, you do have scope to make certain changes, around the things you need to change.

      You also must let go of the past with your parents particularly and then with your siblings. Try to find an understanding first, then an acceptance on your experiences.

      I know that once your circumstances change (and that is up to you) your inner dialogue will automatically change to fit your new circumstances.

  2. Your desire to burst the bubble was always in you. Something I’m sure you rehearsed in your mind a thousand times.

    Now the feeling of success sweeps through you. You positioned yourself
    for that!

    1. Thanks Tim. You’re absolutely right, but it was never on a conscious level. Something deep inside of me held on to hope that one day my circumstances would change, the opportunity would arise and I would find out.

      I didn’t know how or why, I just hoped and quietly believed it would.

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Ilana x