Thoughts on my counselling

I’ve been in counselling for many years, more years than I care to remember. It was a big decision for me to make, but felt it was necessary.

I remember telling my father and he didn’t flinch or comment, other than offering to say he would pay for the first few sessions. I was more upset that I was having to go into counselling as I saw it and that he just didn’t get it.

Some of us may take positive things from our counselling sessions, some many not take anything at all, some may see their counselling sessions as negative before they begin to feel more positive; some may feel confused, upset, annoyed, or for some even irritated.

I felt irritated because counselling was more like you’d have a chat with a friend. I didn’t clear any of the issues. It didn’t help that I didn’t know I had cerebral palsy or autism at the time. We all take what we need from our counselling sessions.

I’m now in ‘Cognitive Behavioural Therapy’ for anxiety for autism and that’s much better. Looking back on those years, it is clear I needed ‘a how to do approach, rather than a ‘this is what you have approach.’ In my sessions I continually talked about all barriers being up and found very little comfort of being told ‘this is how it is.’

It’s coming up to 10 years since I found out about cerebral palsy and with the help of my blog, I have now worked out why the brick walls were up, and why my father just didn’t get it.

6 Mar, 2019

2 thoughts on “Thoughts on my counselling

  1. I just remember my father asking me ‘Why did you do it?’ after my first serious suicide attempt and if he didn’t understand why, I knew there wasn’t any way I could have explained it to him.

    Suffice to say, I didn’t go for any counselling at that time, since their concern was always how much it would cost, and that was one of a million reasons I had tried to kill myself in the first place. Maybe if I had done it then, my life would have turned out completely different, but it isn’t something I can worry about anymore now.

    I find myself very frustrated and disillusioned, since I have been going to counselling on and off for 20+ years and I’m still no better off than if I hadn’t had counselling. The reality is that there have always been things that I have held back on and not wanted to talk about like certain periods of my childhood.

    My dad was always negative and discouraging about anything like going to see a psychiatrist or a counsellor, which was one thing my mother seriously needed. She had some very serious mental health issues like Munchausen’s and depression, along with having the mentality of a 10 year old, which we didn’t find out until a few years before her death.

    It was a nightmare that my siblings and I shouldn’t have been forced to go through, but we did and it’s the only reason I know that I’m not completely insane, since they can attest to the fact that it happened.

    At 50 years old, I am forced to look at and deal with the insanity that was my childhood, which I have to do alone, seeing as I’m trapped in a toxic relationship, because of ‘mommy issues’ that I have struggled with all along.

    Now that you mention it, I do have many thoughts on counselling and what I should have done to change things. One thing that has actually helped me a lot more has been going through DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) classes which I always assumed was more for people with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder).

    It turns out that it is something I would recommend for anyone with mental health issues, since it actually has a lot more to do with life skills which is what has been missing in my life all along.

    I’m just amazed how much of a difference it has made in my life even thought I don’t always realize I’m using the skills I’ve learned. I now have to work harder to break down those walls and find a way to mute those voices in my head that keep telling me things like I’m not worthy.

    My counsellor actually teaches DBT, so I’m finally making progress which is truly fantastic!

    1. Thanks Randy. Progress is good. I’m pleased you have found a therapy that works for you.

      Although Dialectical Behavior Therapy is designed to help people suffering from borderline personality disorder, it’s also used to treat mood disorders, as well as those who need to change patterns of behaviour, such as self-harm and substance abuse.

      It sounds as though your parents’ troubles ran far deeper than you or your siblings would have ever known Randy. It’s not right that your mum’s parents didn’t sort out your mum’s mental problems, because those sadly then became yours.

      And that can never works. I love and am pleased you’re being pro-active and getting the help with DBT and it’s working for you.

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