Too many years to erase

Being a parent, I am still trying to get my head around the fact that my disability was ignored for so long. The fact that it was ignored, and I continued to live my life without knowing anything about my disability has taken its toll.

There is no coming to terms with it, too many years passed without me knowing. As a child, just being able to put a name to how I physically presented would have helped. Knowing would have given others a reason to understand and help me.

Yes, I have a website, I have a beautiful book that for the first time brings my disability together, but those things will never replace what I was made to live through. You don’t just erase those years, because you’ve come through stronger, and because you’re more confident for knowing about yourself.

Being born in the 60’s and growing up in the 70’s also doesn’t change the facts and is no excuse. Children knew about their disability, even back then. I was in a ‘living hell’ made to ignore the very things that would have helped me understand myself and my disability.

Even with my writing, it is not something I will come to terms with. There are simply too many years to erase and today is a massive struggle.


4 Jul, 2020

4 thoughts on “Too many years to erase

  1. Terribly sorry that you’ve had to go through what you have, I can definitely relate.

    People love to say things like ‘just get over it’ but obviously they weren’t the ones who had to live through what we’ve had to live through.

    I know I find their attitudes to be highly condescending and insulting which is probably why I don’t like to talk about my childhood with many people.

    I was talking with my girlfriend this morning about our childhoods and what we considered normal, so thankfully she gets it. We can’t just erase the past like others would like us to.

    1. Thanks Randy. Yes, finding a place for our experiences helps and coming through stronger and more rounded individuals.

      Thankfully your girlfriend gets your childhood. It’s nice to have someone you’re close to, who is on your side, that really does understand.

      We can’t erase the past, but we can change our attitudes to the past. That is something we do have control over.

    2. While you regard your past with a bad taste in your mouth, you have developed an immunity from it.

      In fact, you have blossomed from your hardships, without surrendering to them. That speaks volumes about your character.

      You have kept your promise to yourself and more.

      1. Thanks Tim. This is why my blog helps. You have given me a different way to think about my experiences.

        I didn’t give in, or up, I battled on even though I wasn’t exactly what my battles were.

        ‘You kept your promise to yourself and more’ – I didn’t know it at the time, I believed in myself.

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