There is no getting away from the fact that I deal with a chronic and acute illness. I tend to have to work at staying well, because I am not guaranteed wellness.
When it comes to travel, any road trip or holiday feels like a burden. It can also feel like a no-win situation, because when I do travel, I have payback later. No matter how meticulous I am with my planning, I get caught out.
Through travel and exerting myself, it’s easy for my health to tip over the edge and that can happen quickly. Because I constantly have to deal with anxiety, the fear of getting sick through any impending travel can make me stressed, although it’s not something I do consciously.
If I’m unable to eat at the right time I get sick with digestion problems; if I can’t find the right foods to eat I’m sick; if it’s a car or train journey and it’s bumpy I’m sick. Even before I’ve agreed to travel the pressure is already on; having to make a decision around travel, can also make me sick.
All of this because I deal with anxiety and fear brought about through a brain impairment that affects my emotions, being premature and because I have Cerebral Palsy. All contributing factors, none of which will ever disappear, but the physical aspects to my condition, and wanting to live a more normal life is still a growing concern.
A life that is far from normal, which stops me from travelling and living my life and which is particularly hard when it comes to family, who can sometimes feel disappointed at my decisions. My decisions aren’t taken lightly and usually with a heavy heart. There are exceptions but on those occasions, I have still got caught out.