Trust & deceit

Someone contacted me through the site, asking for advice on trust and deceit, so I thought I’d write a blog about it. I hope this helps.

Trust is the foundation on which all relationships are based. Without trust, there is no relationship and where someone’s trust is broken, deceit usually follows. When we come to know one, it’s a matter of time until we have the other.

The sad reality about trust is that it’s not something we think about until something happens and that trust is broken, then we realise we don’t have it anymore. It’s scary to think we can live our whole lives with someone, thinking we know that person, but never really knowing that person. The realisation of that is often the part we struggle with.

Trust shapes how we feel and think about ourselves and about other people. When the trust is broken, it not only changes how we feel about that person and how that trust came to be broken, but how we perceive other people and how we come to perceive ourselves, through the negative trust issues.

When our whole life has been based on trust, it becomes difficult to understand, comprehend or even contemplate how our life can then be based on lies and deceit. It’s also not something we can easily rectify or come to terms with, as we begin to perceive what’s happened in a whole new light. We know we’re still trustworthy, we must know this isn’t about us.

We mustn’t make what happened to us, about us. It’s not a slur on us. When we come to see and understand the bigger picture of why that person has broken our trust and been deceitful, it’s often because our lives would never have been any different.

It’s only when we come to look back that we see that the relationship must have had all the hall markings. Unconsciously we notch incidences up without even realising and consciously we don’t even think about our lives in that way because we believe what we’re told. It’s not in our vocabulary or DNA, but knowing will always make us feel worse.

I believe the issues surrounding trust or deceit are worse than deceit itself, because it’s all to do with the bond that has been broken. It’s important that if we’re faced with a trust or deceit issue, we choose not to carry the issue.

Better to separate the two issues and let it go. It’s not our deceit and trust issue to carry.


28 Aug, 2015

4 thoughts on “Trust & deceit

  1. This is an issue I’ve had to deal with all my life.

    I had parents who were able to lie to me with a straight face, so it’s not surprising that I believed other people who could do the same. Over time, I lost the ability to be able to tell the difference which causes you to not know who to trust.

    With the kind of friends I’ve had, I haven’t needed any enemies! My relationships have been so much worse, considering I was a sucker for a sob story and a pretty face. They were able to play me like a violin just by batting their eyelashes and I would be so blinded by what I thought was love that I didn’t see how crazy they really were!

    Needless to say, I developed major trust issues, even with myself! My instincts were pretty keen when judging people but I would be so lonely that I ignored the warning signs. The two most famous last words in my book are ‘trust me,’ since now I don’t.

    Trust is now something that has to be earned which keeps me safe but also keeps me very lonely. I don’t have what so many others do like childhood friends and a sense of belonging in my community. I have one person who I really consider a friend who I do actually trust but that has taken a lot of years.

    People seem to think you can just get over having trust issues, but it definitely doesn’t happen overnight!

    1. Yes trust is something that takes years to build back up once that bond has been broken. I totally get you. When it happens frequently it’s easy to lose confidence.

      Our upbringing has a lot to do with how we approach and build our lives around the people we trust, but we can still come to understand trust for ourselves, as long as we continue to apply common sense.

      I have had my fair share of problems around trust and deceit and know all too well how that goes when it goes wrong, but not everyone will behave that way.

      As I continue to base my life around trust, I have become more adept at knowing who I can trust and let in to my life. I believe it’s so important we have like minded individuals around us; who want the same things and who are there for us and whom we can trust.

  2. Trust is the backbone of our relationships and without it, I’d say the relationship probably isn’t worth having.

    I agree with you, it’s there in the background and taken for granted until something goes wrong and when it does, it is very difficult to rebuild that trust again.

    It takes a lifetime to build and just seconds to ruin with a foolish word or act.

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