Someone contacted me through the site, asking for advice on trust and deceit, so I thought I’d write a blog about it. I hope this helps.
Trust is the foundation on which all relationships are based. Without trust, there is no relationship and where someone’s trust is broken, deceit usually follows. When we come to know one, it’s a matter of time until we have the other.
The sad reality about trust is that it’s not something we think about until something happens and that trust is broken, then we realise we don’t have it anymore. It’s scary to think we can live our whole lives with someone, thinking we know that person, but never really knowing that person. The realisation of that is often the part we struggle with.
Trust shapes how we feel and think about ourselves and about other people. When the trust is broken, it not only changes how we feel about that person and how that trust came to be broken, but how we perceive other people and how we come to perceive ourselves, through the negative trust issues.
When our whole life has been based on trust, it becomes difficult to understand, comprehend or even contemplate how our life can then be based on lies and deceit. It’s also not something we can easily rectify or come to terms with, as we begin to perceive what’s happened in a whole new light. We know we’re still trustworthy, we must know this isn’t about us.
We mustn’t make what happened to us, about us. It’s not a slur on us. When we come to see and understand the bigger picture of why that person has broken our trust and been deceitful, it’s often because our lives would never have been any different.
It’s only when we come to look back that we see that the relationship must have had all the hall markings. Unconsciously we notch incidences up without even realising and consciously we don’t even think about our lives in that way because we believe what we’re told. It’s not in our vocabulary or DNA, but knowing will always make us feel worse.
I believe the issues surrounding trust or deceit are worse than deceit itself, because it’s all to do with the bond that has been broken. It’s important that if we’re faced with a trust or deceit issue, we choose not to carry the issue.
Better to separate the two issues and let it go. It’s not our deceit and trust issue to carry.