Types of abuse

It isn’t just years of inappropriate behaviour that equates to abuse. Being narrow-minded, controlling, one-sidedness, giving someone the silent treatment, expecting someone to mind read and intolerance are also forms of abuse.

I’m not sure how many of us equate some of those forms of abuse above to being part of the abuse scenario, possibly because they have become part of everyday speak. It’s what we know and have come to accept as part of communication. When we treat others unkindly, when we use words that insult, treat others harshly or unjustly that is abuse. Sarcasm is also abuse.

From a lifetime of experience, it doesn’t matter the abuse, no form of abuse is to be tolerated or should be used. We need to watch some of our words too. Words can equate to abuse if those words are used often enough.

8 Jun, 2015

8 thoughts on “Types of abuse

  1. I think the reason most people use some kind of verbal abuse is because they lack respect for people who are different, or have different views than themselves.

    We need to understand that the world doesn’t revolve around us. There are always going to be people who are different, or that will disagree with us. It doesn’t mean we should punish people with hurtful words because of it.

    1. Thanks Maria. I absolutely agree. Being different always seems to bring out the worst in people. They seem to have less tolerance, compassion and empathy towards what we deal with. Perhaps it’s because on some level they’re struggling themselves.

      The same seems to happen around different views and opinions. Discussions that start off completely harmless turn into heated arguments instead. I have always believed and still do that if for whatever reason we’re not happy, other people are usually on the receiving end of our unhappiness of where we are emotionally.

      Stress also plays a big part. If we’re dealing stress, we tend to take our stress out on other people. If for whatever reason we’ve become a victim, we make other people victims too. We can’t see other people being happy if we’re less than happy ourselves. What we are, we replicate on other people.

      I believe it’s something we should all change. There can be no excuse for any type of verbal abuse. I know how that feels.

  2. I agree. People don’t’ usually equate ethos sort of behaviour with ‘abuse.’

    This is especially true if we take care over how we communicate it avoids unnecessary confrontation that can arise through unkind things we say or how we say them.

    1. It’s a shame because that is exactly what this behaviour is. I have known and have experienced these types of abuse for many years.

      I think if more of us took the time to at least think about how we communicate, we would all be better off. I believe people will instinctively know if this is how they behave, but it’s not something they will consciously think about. Some people just don’t seem to be able to stop themselves.

      It’s not fair for anyone to be on the receiving end of this type of abuse. There really does need to be change.

  3. People often seem to think of abuse as being the physical kind, but don’t realize there are so many other forms of it.

    The only time it’s different, is when people have been through it themselves and know what it can be like. The part of that expression ‘Words will never hurt me!’ is definitely not true, considering what they have done to me.

    I have been basically paralyzed from fear in my life from what I went through as a child. People think I’m kidding when I say that my mother should have worked for the CIA since she was so good at brainwashing!

    There are a lot of other forms of abuse that are kind of invisible, because you can’t see the obvious signs like bruises or black eyes. There can be tapes that play in your head constantly from the programming you have received that you don’t know how to turn off.

    There can be silent triggers that will automatically send you back, mentally to the time when you were being abused. So many different factors come into play and 99% of them, people won’t pick up on unless they have been through the abuse themselves!

    People (like my gf) get upset that I act like I don’t want to talk more about things, but it’s more the fact that deep down I feel like I can’t or shouldn’t. The code of silence is like one of the ten commandments, which should never be broken!

    I know that’s why I get so highly insulted when people say things like, just get over it. If it was really that easy, don’t you think I would have done that a long time ago? I have made so many bad decisions based on the fears I have had; and now have to deal with the life I have wasted. There are so many things I have done that I’m not proud of, but I have no way of ever changing them.

    People can’t often comprehend how difficult it can be to even wake up in the morning when you feel like less than a cockroach in your own mind! I’m not looking forward to what I’m going to have to do to deal with this baggage, but I know it needs to be done!

    1. Thanks Randy. Your response resonates with me greatly, having dealt with similar issues to you from my own upbringing. I know how you feel.

      Yes you’re right, we cannot change what’s past, but I do believe it’s important to find ways of moving on so that we get to call the shots on how we want to live our life.

      I realised a long time ago that feeling miserable wasn’t the way I wanted to spend the rest of my days, so ultimately made an unconscious decision that I would go on to turn things around. I believe you can too Randy.

      Although your mother didn’t equip you in the way she should have, she’s made you aware of ‘how not to do things.’ Although it’s an odd way to look at life, for some of us it becomes the only way.

      There isn’t a thing (or I can’t think off-hand) I’ve used or taken from my parents. I vowed to do things differently when I could get the chance and that’s what I’ve done. My life’s changed for the positive. Yours can too.

  4. Passive aggressive behavior is another form of abuse, especially if it’s continuous and expecting. I seriously entertained the idea of seeking professional help for my abuser at the time, but I realized I was as sick as she was because I tolerated it.

    Negative subliminal messages are abusive and intentional, but I wasn’t solely bothered by that. The fact that I allowed things to happen is what still haunts me.

    1. Thanks Tim. The answer is in your own understanding and although you ask the question, you know that anyone who behaves in a passive aggressive manner will have total control over their behaviour.

      Having experienced slightly different but similar circumstances, I know that I could never have changed anything. I’m beginning to think you couldn’t either.

      I would say you didn’t allow it to happen, you had no choice but for it to happen. We will always try to stop that kind of behaviour, but realistically, trying doesn’t mean we will succeed unless the other person backs down.

      My own experiences have taught me that. Try not to be so hard on yourself. You’ve done your best.

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