Growing up around a disability I didn’t know I had meant I lived with uncertainty, primarily because I had no understanding on what I was dealing with. I was also too young to understand. As I began to grow, I understood more of what was happening, which is why everything felt so heavy.
Whilst mentally continuing to struggle, I also had to deal with uncertainty around my disability, which made each day an uphill battle. I found it difficult to integrate into school life and making friends wasn’t easy. If it wasn’t for the fact that I was a twin, I would have struggled more.
Because uncertainty was the norm, I stagnated and retreated into myself for months and that rolled into years. I needed to be able to thrive. When I left home, my trials began. Because decisions at home where continually being made for me, I was unprepared for the life that was to come.
As a parent it’s our job to make sure our children aren’t stressed, or pushed to excel, but they must be able to cope with life outside of the parental constraints, because not to brings uncertainty. It isn’t a parent’s job to be there for their children all the time. Even if they are, it doesn’t follow they’re doing their job.
It’s also a parent’s job to teach their children to problem-solve, how to look at a problem objectively, how to think creatively, to consider what works for them and what doesn’t. Providing children with the answers all the time, doesn’t help create independent thinkers.
But whether you’re a child or an adult, there will always be an element of risk you have to deal with. Understanding how cause and effect works is a necessary life skill. Understanding how to manage change is also another necessary life skill.
Learning how to deal with our emotions helps with uncertainty. It is important children’s feelings are validated, regardless of how trivial they may seem. At their age, our emotions were just as validating.