In our early years we can’t know or equate what our parents emotionally deal with or why we get the life we get.
We are only able to filter views through our own prism, we’re not mature enough that comes with age. But our early experiences can and do affect us deeply. If parents find it difficult to show or give love, that will always have an impact on our sense of self.
Having been given no choice but to work through my own medical records and to piece my experiences and life together around a disability I didn’t know I had, I now understand my symptoms, my experiences and my life.
And where our parents bring different things to our relationship, we eventually get to quantify their roles and the parts they play in our lives. It therefore came as no surprise for me to learn there had been a diagnosis at age 2 and for me to know where the blame lay.
But it is important that children are aware they are not responsible for what they go through, because that has a bearing on their mental health; and as my case has shown, it can leave its mark where there is no forgiveness and understanding. Through my blog, I make it my way to understand.
And although there may be less understanding on the facts, children must know their experiences are never about them, but about their parents and how their parents chose to parent. It’s important children know it’s not that they’re not loveable, their parents couldn’t love themselves.
The minute we know that, it’s easy to feel a slight empathy and we can forgive. In my own case it became slightly more difficult because I got to have a conversation with the parent who made it crystal clear why I never got that life and that parent wasn’t the slightest bit remorseful.