Unravelling my symptoms

One size doesn’t fit all, particularly when it comes to brain damage. Each part of the brain that is damaged is unique to the individual, and that is the main reason why there is no research into cerebral palsy.

It is impossible to ascertain the exact symptoms each individual will have to face, and the medical profession’s brain scans are only able only to provide a general analysis of the likely effects arising from damage to a specific part of the brain.

Unravelling my own symptoms, I know that I have extensive damage to the frontal lobe, which includes the pre-frontal cortex. This controls planning, problem solving, selective attention, behaviour and emotions. Because my emotions are impaired I have to deal with a certain level of immaturity. I also have impairments in attention span and organisational ability, and I struggle with motivation. The damage to this part of my brain is why I missed out on my milestones in childhood.

I have problems with the back of the frontal lobe; that consists of motor areas, which produce and modify movement.

Both the left and right parietal lobes contain the primary sensory cortex that controls sensation, such as touch. An associated area controls judgment of textures, size, weight and shape. I have damage to the right parietal lobe, and I struggle with all these aspects. The damage to the right parietal lobe also means I have spatial awareness difficulties, difficulty naming objects, trouble finding words when I’m speaking, and difficulty in reading and writing.

I struggle to navigate my way through recognition and am unable to feel certain emotions that other people take for granted. It is my intuition that helps me manage daily routines.

But piecing my symptoms together isn’t a problem for me. In a way I welcome it because it allows me to evaluate my experiences. Understanding why I am as I am, is long overdue. What I mind is having been judged, and still being judged for my shortcomings, with a lack of tolerance, empathy, tolerance and understanding from others about what I deal with.


10 Apr, 2016

6 thoughts on “Unravelling my symptoms

  1. Wow! that is some post and I guess in many respects you have found some of the answers you have been looking for all your life and that were withheld from you. I’m pleased you are able to piece together more parts of your Cerebral Palsy jigsaw.

    I agree with you it is not for others to judge, but to understand your symptoms are yours and no one else’s and exactly what you deal with.

    1. Thank you. Although I was always aware of my struggles and this side to my personality, it made it more difficult trying to live within the constraints because of other people’s opinions of me and my symptoms, particularly growing up.

      I’m not so bothered now because standing by my conviction and doing more research has confirmed what I already know. Remarkably I’m okay with it and am at peace with it.

  2. Thank you for not allowing your skin to be your sin, and for not being stymied by ignorant people with lazy understanding about what you’re dealing with.

    I’d copy and paste your intelligence into my life any day.

    1. Awww thanks Tim. I honestly believe that my ability to rationale my thoughts saved me. Yes it would have been easy to hinder my own progress, but unconsciously I must have known that in time I would come to find out.

      I never stopped believing that I would find out eventually. That feeling stayed with me. I chose not to give in or give up. That is key.

  3. Well now that does make a lot of sense! You have taken the time to figure out what symptoms you have and what part of the brain is damaged that causes them!

    It also makes me realize that I have been pushing my daughter to do things without stopping to consider what her strengths and weaknesses may be. I’m guessing her mother hasn’t really done that either, which is very sad considering my daughter could be so much better off than she is right now.

    She hasn’t ever really pushed her to do much of anything and due to my own issues, I didn’t do what I should have been doing all along. She complains about her knee hurting so much, but at the same time says that exercise would help it out.

    The reality is that I have been waiting a good 25 years for her mother to do what she needed to do to help our daughter out and it hasn’t happened. I had very good intuition about what she needed to do to get better, but allowed my feelings towards her mother get in the way!

    She has no idea of how I truly feel about her mother and I’m not about to try explaining it to her now. I just have to work on getting beyond it, so that I can learn how to help her now!

    She isn’t going to be able to accomplish anything sitting around out in the middle of the desert doing much of nothing! I just want her to be happy and I know there must be things she dreams of doing, but can’t do it where she is now.

    The most I actually know is that the top part of the left side of her brain is dead, which mean she has been mostly paralyzed on her right side. She has learned how to walk and talk but there was a lot more that needed to be done, to ensure that she wouldn’t be suffering like she is now.

    She states that it’s very hard for her to get motivated, which makes sense considering how she feels and who she’s living with. I just find it highly aggravating that for somebody who fought so hard for sole custody, since she thought she knew better than me, turned out to be the worst person for her to be with!

    I have to work on unravelling my daughter’s symptoms like you said, to be better able to help her out!

    1. Thank Randy. We often find that our circumstances must change for our lives to change. It’s not to say we can’t change our lives, because I can believe we can, but our lives tend to continue in the same way until we do something about it.

      Not having known and knowing my symptoms now, I would rather know than not know. At least now I have that understanding. Hopefully your daughter will have that too. You can help her.

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