It’s nothing short of a miracle that I got to this place, pretty much mentally unscathed. I look back on my experiences and my life seems to have been one long struggle.
There is no doubt now that my diary has cushioned and softened the blow, but this is one area of my life, where I don’t think I’ll be able to forgive. I would like to think in time I can find a place for the neglect around my physical and emotional difficulties, but I still find the whole concept staggering.
It’s hard to reconcile when you know someone close, made it clear they didn’t want to know. It’s comforting to know that although my mum could never talk about my condition, I know she did her best. She tried to cushion me by making things better around my disability, but I never understood her efforts because I didn’t know what I was dealing with.
When it came to my exercises, my mum kept saying, ‘you can’t have a pretty face without a pretty leg.’ I don’t feel bad for how that went, because nothing was ever made clear, but I know now that was my mum’s way of trying to help me, even though she couldn’t talk about it.
I am usually happy to conform to something I understand. When it came to my disability, there was nothing to understand. Whilst my circumstances stayed the same, this was never something I would have come to understand. It’s hard to forgive anyone who exposes us instead of choosing to support us.
I’ve had to work it all out for myself. I have sewn a seed many times it’s not my issue to burden to carry. Others will need to reconcile for themselves.