Not being upset that a parent isn’t in our life, doesn’t make us bad people. It highlights things for us that should have been changed that weren’t, when that parent was this side of life. It just allows us to distance our feelings.
In my own case, whilst dealing with his terminal illness, I never imagined what life would be like without him, although I know I finally felt relieved when he passed. If nothing else had been addressed, my physical problems should have been.
Whilst talking to my father a few days before he passed, I began to realise what my life with him had really been about and realised then that his life had only ever been about putting himself first. Perhaps subconsciously I had been living in the hope that one day his life would have emotionally been about his children.
It would be now too late to put that right and realistically knowing that he never would have changed this side of life, had he lived.