We can lament or move on

We can cry about life, how things have worked out, where we are and what we’ve not achieved, or we can rationale and work on any changes we need to make. In my own case, I chose to move forward. There is no point lamenting over a life lost.

Even if we could have done things differently, there’s no point to dwelling on the things we can’t change. It’s only when we look back at our experiences that we actually see that there is nothing we can change, but there is everything we would like to change, the rest of the time of course, we continue to convince ourselves otherwise.

Of course, it’s important for us to show and express regret, but those things will never change where we are and how we got to where we are. And where there is no point, it doesn’t stop us thinking there is a point. We will always become angry, irritable and frustrated when we continue to convince ourselves we could or should have been able to change things.

Where we spend years unconsciously convincing ourselves it’s our fault, it’s actually not our fault. That’s what keeps us fixated and stuck. The truth is that if we could have changed things, those things would have been changed.

We’d be living a different life and we’d be different people. Are there things I would choose to change in my own life. Yes, because my choices were never my choices. I would have had to have been born into a different life for that.


7 Jan, 2018

6 thoughts on “We can lament or move on

  1. You’re right, we can choose to be victims or lick our wounds and get back up.

    There are many times when the former seems the most attractive, but experience has shown me its also the least productive.

    With your site, you have chosen not to stay where people have put you; but be positive about the future instead. That should inspire others to follow suit.

    1. Thanks. It’s funny, but I’m not sure I ever saw myself as the victim.

      Given my environment and history of issues around my physical and neurological and emotional difficulties it would have been easy for me to have played the victim role.

      Sadly, the way I see it, is that playing the victim role empowers others to take advantage of us even more, because they know they can.

      It doesn’t make what others do right, they will always be responsible for their own actions, but moving away from being the victim allows us to live our lives.

      Sadly, lamenting just allows the clock to tick, with our lives ebbing away in front of us and us doing nothing to change. I wasn’t prepared to allow that to happen. I unconsciously chose change, but had to wait.

      I also hope my blog inspires others and shows that they too have choices. With a simple message outlined in each blog, my blogs show you how.

  2. Yes, that’s pretty much the point where I’m at is that I need to decide whether I want to continue doing the backstroke in the pity pot, or just move on with my life which seems the wiser choice.

    This is the part of the Serenity Prayer where the wisdom to know the difference, between what I can and can’t change. I definitely can’t change the past, since I’m not Doctor Who, so the only thing I can really change is today which I do need to stay focused on.

    This will mean dealing with and overcoming a lifetime of fear of the unknown, which has always been my downfall. The reality is that I have always allowed others to control my life, seeing as I was brainwashed into believing that was normal, when it was anything but.

    It’s now a matter of figuring out what it is that I want from life and not what somebody else wants me to do for them.

    1. Thanks Randy. Yes, I think you’re half way there already, probably further. You know so much about your life and the role of both of your parents already.

      Although it’s always hard making the decision to act, I believe it’s even harder to live with the guilt of not doing something that we know will change our life and then it becomes too late.

      It’s up to each of us to make that decision. I know for myself that I would rather live with a decision to move on, than live with the stress of being in an unhappy relationship.

      Sadly, we can and do lament, but it gets us know where, apart from living with stress and bringing more illness into the equation.

  3. I keep telling myself that I should have done things differently, a thought that leaves me annoyed sometimes, often disappointed in myself.

    Of course, I have to live through today, but I still think about what I did or didn’t do.

    1. Thanks Tim. As I see it, your failings were never down to you.

      Given your childhood and what you had to deal with, was never about you. As the child, you were never in a position to change what you should have done differently.

      With the right support and guidance your life would have been different now. It’s not down to you. As the adult, as circumstances dictate, you are more in a position to change things.

      Sadly (and this is also true for me) our circumstances around family issues usually dictate how much we’re able to change and when.

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