We can’t go back

22 Jan 2017

‘We can’t go back to yesterday we were different people then.’ But I’m not sure I’d want to. I wasn’t the same person yesterday, or back then. I’m more emotionally comfortable now.

If I were to go back I wouldn’t know what I know now, I’ve grown in confidence. I wouldn’t be writing and  my life would never change because the people in it, would still be the same. To go back they would also have to change.

There comes a time where even though we may think we want to go back, we find that somewhere in our conscious, we’re better placed to handle our difficulties now. Past experiences and maturity give us those.

It’s important we learn to focus on the present and not spend so much time thinking about or living in the past. It may be that we haven’t yet set out to achieve what we’re still aiming to achieve in our present, but for me if going back means dealing with neglect, I would rather be where I am now.

Our outlook often looks different when we look back. Sometimes we forget to take the rose-coloured spectacles off, particularly where we see our lives and people more favourably and yet our experiences weren’t those. When we come to equate our life to now and compare our life to the past, the mind will always play tricks.

Perhaps it’s us wanting to believe and see the good in what’s gone, certain circumstances or people and sometimes it’s as if those experiences didn’t happen to us, but to some earlier prototype of ourselves. We often can’t imagine those being our experiences, or maybe we just don’t want to.

6 Responses to “We can’t go back”

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  1. Brad 22. Jan, 2017 at 7:01 pm #

    I doubt there are many of us who would want to go back. History is there to teach a lesson and we should then apply what we have learned in the present, to secure a better future.

    • Ilana 22. Jan, 2017 at 7:11 pm #

      Thanks, yes you say history is there to teach a lesson. The lesson’s there, but we choose not to learn. I agree with you though, it’s important we learn from our lessons. That way we don’t make the same mistake twice. Many of us unfortunately go on to repeat our mistakes.

      As you say, learning our lesson secures us with a better understanding of our future and therefore secures a better future.

  2. Tim 23. Jan, 2017 at 3:09 am #

    The past was a throne in my side, if I go back I’ll be stupid in the morning. Or maybe mad as hell because I’d have to learn everything over again.

    • Ilana 23. Jan, 2017 at 6:51 am #

      I think the sad reality for some is that they would rather go back than face the music presently. Going back would be a form of escapism, but that’s all it would be.

      The grass is greener, but it never is. As you say Tim and have eloquently expressed, you understand your past enough to know it’s not something you would want to experience again.

      You have grown emotionally through your experiences, because you know it’s a place you would never want to revisit. There is no need for you to go back.

  3. Bonnie Johns 23. Jan, 2017 at 4:53 pm #

    This is a great reminder. I find myself often with the wondering of ‘what if’ in certain past situations, when having to deal with difficult people/or family members. Especially the negative ones.

    I have to remind myself to live in the present and stop looking back.

    • Ilana 23. Jan, 2017 at 5:38 pm #

      Thanks Bonnie. Yes, the ‘what ifs’ are our biggest bug bear. We can if we let ourselves spend all of our time working on the what ifs, which makes us more disillusioned for the things we didn’t do.

      It’s always difficult when it comes to family because we can if we let ourselves go over conversations gone by on the things we should have said, which is most unhelpful.

      I tend to work on what I need to work on as and when it happens. It’s always worked for me. If you can work on the things you need to work on, you’ll never need to look back.

      It’s not always a good idea to look back. Looking back not only serves to make us more disillusioned, but makes us more disillusioned with what’s gone and the things we cannot change.

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