Since my autism diagnosis was confirmed on the 11th January, I have been thinking about my experiences more. I believe that with or without autism it is important we question our thinking around our experiences so that we have an understanding.
In a way I find it easy because I work with black and white scenarios. Something either works or it doesn’t, someone is kind or they’re not, they want to help me, or they don’t. The grey area is the area where I can’t find a resolve or understanding on a situation.
Although that would be straight forward to a non-autism brain, with autism it can bring about anxiety, where we literally can’t see the wood for the trees. We know what we’re told, but we don’t understand and find it difficult to pay attention to what’s being said or what that means.
We trust others will have our backs, but those we trust will sometimes have their own agenda depending on what their unconscious struggles are. It’s only when we look back on our experiences and how an outcome worked out that we will understand our experiences.
Until I began to question my experiences, and found a way to understand what my experiences meant, I continually missed the signs and re-read situations differently. I guess as a child not knowing I had a disability and trying to fit in, I was happy to accept others had my back. Looking back that was the catalyst to all my problems.
Since the start of my cerebral palsy and autism journey, through my diary I have managed to compartmentalise my experiences and what they all mean. It is important that through our experiences we look more closely at the outcomes and make our minds up about those who have played their part in our lives.