We’re not responsible

“I am not my brother’s keeper.” Whilst it’s true we’re responsible for ourselves, it’s true that we’re not responsible for what someone else does or says and yet the baggage inflicted on us; we carry as our own as if we were somehow responsible.

If as a consequence we go to on blame those closest to us, who by association have a relationship with that person causing the problem, then we are to blame and become very much responsible.

We tend to see those closest to us as the catalyst for our emotional stress, we have to endure from others, but we must stop inflicting the blame on them, because they’re not the ones responsible.


31 Jan, 2015

8 thoughts on “We’re not responsible

  1. Yes, it took me a very long time to finally start working on what baggage was mine and what was other people’s!

    My parents were constantly dumping theirs on to us even though they may not have realized it. I wondered how much they did or didn’t know at times, but I have wasted far too much time debating that in my head.

    People have often judged me for the way I felt about my parents but they didn’t grow up in the nightmare that I did. They made us feel responsible for their misery because they “had” to get remarried so we wouldn’t go into foster care.

    This was only one example but it would take a book to explain the rest. I’m having to sort through the baggage of my life now and let go of what isn’t mine to move on with my life!

    1. You’re absolutely right Randy. We have to let go of what isn’t ours to be able to move on with our lives. It took me many years too to understand the correlations, but once I did it didn’t take very long to let go of the rest. The hard part is not regressing.

      I’m routing for you. Stay strong. You deserve to move forward and have peace.

  2. Often times when I feel frustration with dealing with the limitations CP causes me, I blame the ones around me for just being physically abled. My husband is the person that gets most of the blame.

    We like to say that he is “cursed” with good legs, because he ends up doing a lot of stuff just because it’s easier for him.

    1. Thanks Maria. I understand exactly where you’re coming from and although I didn’t blame anyone specifically for me having CP; my anger did.

      Because you are aware this is something you do, in a way you’re able to at make light of it. This is the first step to change. I am also sure your husband knows that if your circumstances were any different and you didn’t have CP, you would be a totally different person and you offsetting the blame on your husband wouldn’t exist. We tend to blame those we’re closest to.

      I know that if I had support as a child I would have dealt with having CP a lot better. I am sure that will be the scenario for many of us living with the condition.

  3. I blame myself for a lot of things even when it’s not my fault, especially my illnesses. I need to learn to accept the hand I’ve been dealt.

    1. Yes we do have a tendency to blame ourselves, but as long as someone else doesn’t blame because of something our family have done, which isn’t what we’ve done, it’s easier to try to stop blaming ourselves.

      Your diabetes isn’t your fault, just as my CP isn’t my fault. It’s easy to apportion blame on ourselves when no-one else takes the blame.

      I am sure had your parents said something to you about your Diabetes, you’d be feeling a lot happier now about it. I know I would.

      It probably wouldn’t feel like such a burden.

  4. I agree we’re responsible for what we do and say and the impact this has on others, but that is where it ends.

    If it all goes wrong then that’s down to us and no-one else, so it is important for us not to carry another person’s nonsense.

    1. Absolutely, that is where it should end, but not always where it ends. I agree. It’s not only soul destroying, but bad for our health when we unconsciously carry other people’s baggage.

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