What keeps us stuck

As we journey through life, we accumulate various behaviour patterns, which if we let them, keep us permanently stuck; as those patterns continue to impact our lives.

As a child that thought wasn’t something I was consciously aware of, though looking back now there was a part of me that did want to change; but I didn’t have enough understanding around my circumstances to give me clear direction. I can see that now; I didn’t see it back then. If someone had have waved a magic wand, I would have wanted a different path.

We spend our lives convincing ourselves that it’s not us with the problem and I know that in my case it wasn’t my problem; but there will always be certain aspects we can change and may want to change, regardless of who is at fault. It’s only when we begin to struggle with certain aspects of our life that we begin to see that perhaps we do need to change.

What keeps us stuck?

We stay stuck when:

  • We continue to blame others for our lives;
  • We’re unsure how to move forward;
  • We’re literally stuck in a rut;
  • We fail to understand our lives up to that point;
  • We tell ourselves there is little point because things won’t change;
  • We’re not emotionally ready to move on and deal with our behaviour.

We’re subconsciously comfortable that way and become scared at the prospect of having to work through any changes, however small. One thing I know is that when we finally decide it’s time to  deal with those familiar behaviour patterns that tend to keep us stuck, we will finally move on.

I know because I was that child.

22 Jul, 2013

4 thoughts on “What keeps us stuck

  1. My daughter’s behavior bothered her when she was growing up. She wanted to change but even though we tried to help her change, it was eventually up to her to make the decision to change.

    As she is older now she has changed and I think her being out on her own and experiencing life has changed her somewhat. As a teen she would blame her fathers death or her stepfather for the way she acted. She would blame others anytime it suited her.

    I don’t remember having a problem with behavior as a child, but that changed as I became a teen. I didn’t blame others, I blamed circumstances of my life. If I could go back I would change things, but I can’t so I have learned to forgive myself.

    I think we should accept that what is done is done and move on with a better attitude. We can’t change the past but we can change the future.

    1. I’m pleased you’ve learned to forgive yourself Lisa. From what you’re saying you clearly did as your parents wished as a child, but changed as a teenager to reflect how you felt with what you were dealing with. It’s sad that we feel we have to go to these lengths sometimes, but it would have been up to your parents to change things for you. Unfortunately we will always get stuck in those patterns until we learn to change it.

      I think we very much blame our circumstances rather than the person or people who create those circumstances for us. I didn’t rebel as a child or teenager, but did say what I felt when the time was appropriate on what I had to deal with.

      Regardless of whose fault it is and why we’re stuck, it is always our responsibility to speak out when we have to so that we change our circumstances.

  2. Being ‘stuck’ as you call it is pointless. It is a negative state that does no good.

    Unfortunately it’s all too easy to stay in that state and spiral. Recognising that is hard for many people but that has to be the first step to changing it.

    Good post which I am sure will resonate with many readers of your site.

    1. Thank you. You’re absolutely right I agree with you. It was something I also resonated with, as a small child.

      I am sure there will be many of us as you say that will resonate with my blog today.

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