Although each blog forms an experience, writing about my disability, referring to my emotional and physical difficulties, not being addressed, explained or dealt with makes it even more difficult.
Being a parent myself, it’s not easy to comprehend that this was my life. I find it hard to believe that it was allowed to happen. Whatever adults deal with, their issues mustn’t become their children’s issues.
There is one thing finding out about a diagnosis, but ignoring your conscience, so you don’t struggle, means your child will. I have a hard time getting my head around that concept. There is no excuse for a child’s condition not being discussed, or emotionally addressed.
Our relationship with anyone who withholds information is a lie and will always continue to be a lie, whilst his or her problems aren’t being addressed. My parents were lucky because my not being so disabled, meant they didn’t have to address, deal with or correct themselves.
I have The CP Diary, which finally allows me to understand and piece all of my experiences together, so that I can find an acceptance. What was meant to be, has happened; I need to reconcile. Although I’m having a hard time getting my head around that concept, it is exactly what I need to reconcile.
That without my experiences, I wouldn’t have the Diary. My Diary wouldn’t exist and I wouldn’t be me. I wouldn’t have the understanding either. What I do, allows me to emotionally free myself from the trauma, behind my experiences.
It’s nice to know that my experiences are helping others understand their own lives and that helps me.