What was meant to be

Although each blog forms an experience, writing about my disability, referring to my emotional and physical difficulties, not being addressed, explained or dealt with makes it even more difficult.

Being a parent myself, it’s not easy to comprehend that this was my life. I find it hard to believe that it was allowed to happen. Whatever adults deal with, their issues mustn’t become their children’s issues.

There is one thing finding out about a diagnosis, but ignoring your conscience, so you don’t struggle, means your child will. I have a hard time getting my head around that concept. There is no excuse for a child’s condition not being discussed, or emotionally addressed.

Our relationship with anyone who withholds information is a lie and will always continue to be a lie, whilst his or her problems aren’t being addressed. My parents were lucky because my not being so disabled, meant they didn’t have to address, deal with or correct themselves.

I have The CP Diary, which finally allows me to understand and piece all of my experiences together, so that I can find an acceptance. What was meant to be, has happened; I need to reconcile. Although I’m having a hard time getting my head around that concept, it is exactly what I need to reconcile.

That without my experiences, I wouldn’t have the Diary. My Diary wouldn’t exist and I wouldn’t be me. I wouldn’t have the understanding either. What I do, allows me to emotionally free myself from the trauma, behind my experiences.

It’s nice to know that my experiences are helping others understand their own lives and that helps me.


12 Nov, 2017

4 thoughts on “What was meant to be

  1. I am confident had your parents dealt with your diagnosis differently you would not have created the CP Diary nor helping so many others. You had your struggles in order to help others with theirs.

    If our paths are predetermined then you can look at it that yours was chosen for you, because you could manage and grow through your childhood experiences and turn them into something positive and special.

    1. Thank you. Yes, our paths are predetermined before we’re born. Who we’re born to doesn’t change, but whilst we’re here, we get to change certain things.

      So, it was predetermined that I was born to my parents and that I was to live this life up to the point I got to, where I made changes for myself.

      But out of all of this, I still find it difficult to comprehend how parents would choose to parent this. But I understand I need to move on from this thinking.

      I need to bring your thinking into the equation and let go of the rest.

  2. Yes, you have helped others through your experiences, which I find extremely unselfish. Like ending the stigma around disability, depression, anxiety and other health issues.

    I can’t tell you the number of times you have reached into my world and resolved something.

    1. Awww thanks Tim. Your response is why the Diary still exists. By us talking about things.

      I would always have got to this place, not knowing about my issues and what I had to work through over the years, but the Diary has made the going easier and 7 years on, it has become so much more.

      The Diary helps us all deal with what we have to deal with through my experiences. It wouldn’t work without my experiences, but it’s also an open door for us to offer and be a support for one another through our responses.

      By being pro-active we bring our troubles into the public domain and that helps us know we’re not alone, but will help us cope personally in our lives.

      I am so pleased that my experiences and blogs have helped you also. Thank you.

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