Out of the 7 years I’ve been running the site, ‘A life ignored’ was the hardest blog I’ve had to write. Although each blog forms an experience, writing this blog refers to my emotional and physical difficulties, not being addressed, explained or dealt with.
Being a parent myself, it makes it even more difficult to comprehend that this was my life. I find it hard to believe that a parent could allow this to happen to a child, even if they struggled with insecurities and long-term emotional health issues. Our issues mustn’t become our children’s issues.
There is one thing finding out about a diagnosis, but ignoring your conscience, so you don’t have to struggle with the process, means your child will. I have a hard time getting my head around that concept. There can be no excuse for a child’s condition not being discussed or emotionally addressed. Out of everything, this is the hardest thing I’ve had to deal with.
That my relationship with my family, everything that was done and said up to this point was a lie and still is. My parents were lucky because my not being so disabled, meant they didn’t have to address, deal with or correct themselves.
I have The CP Diary, which finally allows me to understand and piece all of my experiences together, so that I can find an acceptance. What was meant to be has happened, I need to reconcile. Although I’m having a hard time getting my head around that concept, perhaps this is exactly what I need to reconcile.
That without my experiences, I wouldn’t have the Diary. My Diary wouldn’t exist and I wouldn’t be me. I wouldn’t have the understanding either. What I do allows me to emotionally free myself from the trauma, behind my experiences.
It’s nice to know that my experiences weren’t in vain. That my experiences are helping others understand their own lives and that helps me.