It’s very common when we’re angry or resentful to lash out and say mean things to people. When we’re having a bad day, we tend to do the same thing. We do it because were either jealous, or just hurting ourselves. It’s never on a conscious level, but either way it’s not something we’re likely to get away with. These things tend to come back on us.
Being mean not only has its repercussions, but it also means we continually cross the line as far as our behaviour is concerned. No one should have to stand their guard because we say mean things. If the shoe were on the other foot I’m sure we’d feel the same way.
Perhaps we need to take a step back and pause, collect our thoughts and regain our composure. It’s easy to bring the history with that person back into that situation just to prove a point and to be mean. Some of the time I’m sure we don’t even know we’re doing it. We need to stick to what the presenting issue is (if at all) and let everything else go. Minor discussions will always become heated discussions, if we don’t let other issues go.
If we’re wrong and won’t back down, it’s better we say nothing, rather than say something we will later go on to regret. Give someone else the last word because they deserve to have the last word. When we Challenge someone for challenge sake, we are mean.
At the end of the day, being mean alienates friends and family. No one wants to be around mean people. When we learn to stop being mean and using it as a defence mechanism, we get to keep family and friends.