Why we hold on to anger

“Anger is defined as an emotion characterised by tension and hostility arising from frustration, real or imagined injury by another, or perceived injustice” – Google

Anger is a spontaneous response to an issue or situation that is being ignored and is continual. When anyone feels anger they are non-cooperative. We don’t actively choose to carry anger, it is our circumstances that dictate the anger we feel.

It is true for me. I continually lived in a ‘fight or flight’ response as a child well into my twenties trying to deal with a disability I didn’t know I had. It was an acute stress response to my own situation. It’s not something I fully understood and those who did understand, made my anger about me.

Children also don’t actively choose to hold on to anger. I needed help, to be able to understand and work through my mental and emotional struggles and with a little more ease. To be understood not misunderstood, to have the support, for me to navigate my disability, to give me the tools to cope moving forward.

Any issue or situation that is on-going and is never addressed by the perpetrator, will lead the victim to carry the hurt and hurt if not dealt with, will turn into anger. We have anger when our issues are continually not being addressed.

When anyone causes others to hold on to anger, and there is no apology for what they’ve done, the victim will always find it hard to let go of their anger. As adults, as parents, we have to want to care, to help be a support, it is our job.

I make reference to The NSPCC ‘Full Stop’ Campaign in 1999. (Source: https://sofii.org). No child should have to deal with the anger they feel through trauma, neglect or abuse, or deal with trauma, neglect or abuse. Full Stop.


1 Jul, 2021

2 thoughts on “Why we hold on to anger

  1. Being angry doesn’t really achieve anything And often it makes a situation much worse.

    The best way to let go of anger, is to first identify where it comes from and then take active steps to resolve it.

    That requires us to do some work on ourselves while also being honest about our feelings, which is much easier said than done.

    1. Thank you. Yes, I agree. But it is important we are able to recognise we carry anger. I think that’s part of the problem.

      Not everyone will make their own connections with how they are. I think you’re right, for those who carry anger, it is important they work on themselves and be honest about how they feel.

      It is very much a starting point for us all.

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