Why we mustn’t blame

I find it sad that the things that happen to us in childhood are a consequence of someone else’s actions, which can leave us less than able to cope with our lives.

All is not lost. We can change those early patterns simply by recognising our mind-set traits and working towards changing the way we think and avoid situations that promote emotional reactions, or patterns of reaction.

The thoughts we have about other people who aren’t responsible are usually a symptom of how we feel about ourselves. Blaming others is the true reality of how we feel about ourselves, we just don’t see or get it. Blaming others just highlights our own inadequacies and that’s when we become the victim.

We can choose to stay a victim, or we can empower ourselves by learning to change the pattern and mind-set we’ve been taught. We need to be able to feel good about ourselves and keep those important relationships without driving others away.

We must stop seeing other people as the problem, look at our issues and deal with those. I also believe we must work on changing the way we feel and think about ourselves, without pressing our own self-destruct button and then choosing to look to others to blame because it’s easier.

Blaming others doesn’t help. We must learn to take responsibility for ourselves.


19 May, 2011

4 thoughts on “Why we mustn’t blame

  1. I have done this with regard to my father in order to improve my relationship with him.

    I used to be combative but that was counter-productive. I now usually refuse to react so that his behavior is changed for the better.

    If he knows he will not get a reaction from me he ceases the bad behavior. I know he used to say stuff to me just to get a rise out of me. I had to change my reaction to him in order to improve things between us.

    1. Not getting drawn into an argument is sometimes the best thing to do, especially if you feel confrontation may worsen the situation.

      Sometimes these arguments exist, because subconsciously one party blames the other for where they are in their lives.

      Glad you manage to use this tactic.

    1. Absolutely, but that should work both ways, particularly with family. They shouldn’t blame others for things that are their fault. Not so easy!

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