Why we shouldn’t conform

I used to feel guilty because I felt I should have been stronger instead of conforming to how others wanted me to be, although I know I had little choice in the matter.

I thought it might be helpful for me to write from my own view point, why I feel it’s important for us not to conform to other people’s lives if it’s not right for us and why we should learn to follow our own path more.

It stands to reason that if we live by our own rules, we will live a more peaceful life with less stress in it. We will also be free to make our own decisions so that we live by our own values and life. Sadly, when we conform to fit into another person’s life, we live by the other person’s rules, not our own.

The following suggestions may act as a guide:

  • Break away from letting others tell you what you should or shouldn’t do. If what they’re asking doesn’t fit into your own plans, make your own decision;
  • Make friends with people who like you just the way you are. When we try to match up to other people, it usually means we’re trying too hard to find a level of acceptance. No one should have to find a level of acceptance, we should automatically fit in;
  •  Be comfortable around any changes you go on to make. Change helps you grow emotionally, physically and spiritually;
  • For those of us who go on to struggle with changes, will already be struggling. It’s not something that happens because we choose to change.

Try not to care about what other people think. When you stop caring what other people think, you stop conforming and as long as we’re not rejecting other people’s rules because we’re doing it out of spite, no one should make us feel bad about following our own values.

When we choose to do our own thing for our own reasons that’s fine. It’s our life to do as we choose and please, as their life is to do as they choose and please.

26 Mar, 2012

6 thoughts on “Why we shouldn’t conform

  1. I’ve always been a conformist, doing what others did to fit in.

    Then after my first marriage failed I said enough is enough and started doing things my way; but now I’m back doing stuff others do a little bit.

    I still end up doing things my way, I just like to have some input from others and if it’s something I feel strongly about, I’ll do it my way regardless.

    1. It sounds like you do what’s right for you, but you still fit in with others too and if that works for you then great.

      My own experience dictated otherwise, particularly whilst growing up. The more I conformed, the more I was taken advantage of.

      I am a lot happier making my own decisions now and rely on my own judgment of what I want for myself.

  2. I’ve spent the majority of my life trying to conform to everyone’s expectations of me, so I really don’t have a clear sense of just who it is that I am.

    I’m just now trying to figure out how to run my own life the way I want to! It would be awesome to know, since I haven’t ever known anything different.

    1. I know exactly what you mean. I was the same growing up. I conformed for many years until I realised I was miserable!

      I believe you can Randy. If you can put the past behind you and start making your own decisions based on what you want, you will eventually listen to yourself and will stop listening to what others want.

  3. I’ve always done things MY way. I never was a conformist.

    From the age of 12 upwards, I have had the attitude of, ‘I don’t care what other people think about me.’ But I think I have taken it too far… it’s made me kind of an introvert.

    1. Don’t be too hard on yourself. From what you say here in your response, it could be that although you were a non-conformist, you also had other things to deal with which made you shy away and become more introvert.

      From my own experience being a conformist and then a non-conformist, didn’t make me an introvert. My CP made me an introvert. Please let me know if that resonates with you.

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