When a parent does something that is wilful, they consciously make a decision. That isn’t the same thing as unconsciously struggling to parent your child.
Because I have Autism, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (‘CBT’) helps me see and understand more of my experiences so that I’m looking at the bigger picture, a different angle on the angle I have. What I find incredulous is that others lived their lives around my disability without so much of a conscience.
Since everything we do is down to freewill, this is also freewill. We consciously make the choices we make. But like we have freewill to make our decisions, we also have freewill to unmake those decisions. We have freewill to choose to support others, in the same way we have freewill not to.
Out of all my experiences, this is the hardest pill to swallow. I find it hard knowing this was ‘wilful neglect’ that those close to me wittingly failed to address my special needs. That specifically my neurological issues were neglected, like those needs didn’t matter, like I didn’t matter.
My neurological issues make up the biggest part of my disability and what I have struggled with the most.
I’m not sad about my relationships, they’re gone. What’s sad is the quality of life I could have had without all my struggles, particularly in my school years. This is nothing to do with me and it’s on them.