It wasn’t just living in the dark, yes there was that, but it’s others thinking it was okay to leave me in the dark that I struggle with the most, that and having to work through a blinder for all these years, until I found out my diagnosis.
So many memories but my biggest memory was finding out I was pregnant for the first time and having no idea about my disability, or how things would work out around my pregnancy and disability.
I had already been to see a specialist about my disability to see whether he thought having cerebral palsy would interfere with having children.
I hated looking at my leg and foot, I hated exposing my disability to total strangers. I’d been doing since I was 3 years old. Had I have known about my disability at the time I was due to give birth, I could have explained. I wanted the nursing staff to know.
I was conscious of my physical issues throughout my pregnancy, not knowing how I might cope around my disability, made it even more difficult. Everyone has a right to know what they deal with, so they feel comfortable and so they have control over how they handle their particular situation.
I knew that giving birth was too important for me to hone-in on my disability and make my disability the issue, so I blocked it out. Now I can’t believe I went through the experience of pregnancy, not knowing.
It horrifies me to think about it. I am also irritated by the fact that others knew and still they watched me go through two pregnancies, not knowing.