Working through things

This is where I’m at today. Having been to see another Neurologist yesterday, I came away feeling slightly negative, although the meeting wasn’t altogether negative. The fact that I am 47 years old and still trying to work things out around my Cerebral Palsy is making what I went through yesterday very negative.

The culmination of having had no emotional support and still having to work through the lack of information that is bringing me back to this place. I don’t intend for it to engulf my life, but I have to deal with it. I have to find a happy place so that I can move forward.

I know others might think, why open a whole can of worms, if the can of worms has been shut for so long, but for others, that may be the way to go, but since being a little girl I have always wanted to know. I have always asked the questions, which is why I feel I have to continue to find answers. I also become less frustrated, when I know what I’m dealing with. It’s how my head rolls.

Some of my thoughts were verified yesterday. My hearing and concentration, brain fatigue and sleep problems due to brain fatigue are connected to what I deal with and that my bladder problems are linked to Cerebral Palsy too. My reflux problems and IBS are linked to me being born prematurely.

The Consultant is going to read off my scan and give me more information on what he sees. I’m done with all the negativity. It was explained to me in our meeting, why there are no Specialists who deal with adult Cerebral Palsy. The term Cerebral Palsy simply confirms the brain damage and not the effects of the brain damage itself.

As the effects are different for all of us, we are treated by Specialists who specialise in the presenting symptoms through the problems we deal with. For example, if we’re dealing with arthritis, we will go to see someone who specialises in arthritis.

I have mixed feelings this morning. I am happy with the letter I have written back to the specialist on our meeting yesterday and am working through my thoughts again today.

18 Nov, 2010

8 thoughts on “Working through things


    This is a small example of what I think of you and the struggles you have been through which have made you who you are.

    We are the culmination of our struggles and triumphs in our lives. You will make it through this and be wiser and more at ease with yourself.

    If you expect to find some accountability, your journey may not bring you the desired results. Good luck and happy hunting. Your friend always, Brian.

    1. Thank you Brian for your beautiful words. You are absolutely right, I may never find accountability, but those who are accountable know they are, even if they choose not to face up to it.

      My conscious is clear. I will find that place of calm eventually.

  2. Dealing with life just as it is, can be quite a tricky prospect, in and of itself.

    It sounds like you’re doing a lot of work to move beyond letting the CP get you down, which is a great thing. You’re definitely a power of example to me and I’m sure many others!

  3. I am so amazed by you Ilana. You have such adversity and yet you are inquisitive and bright enough to turn things around and make the most of every day.

    I hope that your symptoms become more manageable and you live your life to the fullest, which I know you will!

  4. I’m glad you’re starting to get some answers. I think the more you know the better. It’ll make your life easier in a way. I wish I was strong like you. Love ya!

    1. Me too. For the most part, Smile! You will be strong Lisa, it takes time to work through what we deal with. Be your own person and look after your own needs.

      You will see the way forward, so that you become stronger. I wasn’t always this strong!

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