Yesterday was a strange day for me, good but strange. For the last few months I’ve been in the same place on issues that haven’t yet been resolved that I’m still trying to work on, so on the back of family stress, I spontaneously decided to bring a hair appointment forward by one day so that I could get out of the house.
When I came back from my appointment my father had already rung to let us know that he wanted some shopping, which I assumed meant I would go for him. When I got to the house he wanted to come with, so I took him to the shops and what an experience that was. I wasn’t sure why, but I came back with a completely different perspective on everything.
We go through a roller-coaster of emotions, most of them negative, when either of our parents become terminally ill. There are many things we want to say most of which we never get to say, as everyone tries to come to terms with the diagnosis. It’s what’s not said that can make us harbour resentment, but I am beginning to see things differently now.
Yesterday I saw an ailing man and that’s all I saw. Of course the usual things we’re said, but this time his words didn’t matter. I felt calm. Looking back at my life with him, it has all come to this point and although I possibly can’t change things now, but what’s passed between is something he has to deal with.
It’s part of anyone’s spiritual journey for us take stock of our lives when that time comes. It comes to all of us eventually, but it’s up to him now. He knows most of everything. What he does, is his responsibility now.