Yesterday’s thoughts

My negative feelings tend to come back when I do something that serves as a gentle reminder on what I deal with. Six minutes of exercise is all it took. I’ll work on staying stronger.

I know I am lucky because my Cerebral Palsy is mild, but I know that life for me has been a struggle and that can make me feel negative, angry and frustrated. I’ve had to live my life with no support, then I look again and see my accomplishments around the Diary and see that I’ve actually done okay.

I think the trauma we’ve had to work through as a family has added to that negativity. As I stand back and watch how we cope with trauma, I see my own struggles and that’s inevitable. I have been here so many times before and have come back to tell the tale. I have my health and I have my site.

No one said that dealing with trauma would be easy, but I’m not giving up. It’s time to let go of  yesterday’s thoughts, on my own trauma and concentrate on what I have to deal with now.


20 Jul, 2010

8 thoughts on “Yesterday’s thoughts

  1. You will get through this. Just don’t give up. Daniel has to believe things will get better. With your help it will. I know you will try your best you always do. I will pray this situation ends soon. The sun will shine again. Believe that.

    1. Thanks Randy. Time is a great healer, it’s a good job it is. Given time I am sure we will come out stronger with more understandings. We have to go through this I know, but wish it would end soon.

      Thanks for your support. You’ve been great.

  2. I am sure Daniel will come to grips with the pain of what he has been subjected to in time and with the love and care you have always shown him and your whole immediate family for that matter. I know when I lost my son it was like life wasn’t worth going on, but the human spirit and a loving spouse brought me through. I still have moments but with time it has gotten better.

    1. I’m sure you’re absolutely right Brian. I know we will work through this together and will be all the stronger for it. Time is a healer, I know we will get there.

  3. I understand what you are saying. I am trying to look at life differently these days, though it is not always easy. I’ve been spending more time noticing things around me. I walked into the woods yesterday. I made a point to notice things… really notice. I was amazed at the beauty and complexity of everything around me. Found a birds nest with babies in it… The more intently i looked the more colorful the colors became… Everything lit up around me. I was in awe.

    I have the tendency to focus on all the issues in my life, and there are plenty… but I am seeing how my issues change form. I dwell more and more on all the positive things in life…

    What a beautiful world we live in… beauty that surrounds us.

    I’ve buried two sons and a wife. I’ve been rebellious and have had to deal with the many consequences. I have been kicked out of two schools. I was excommunicated from a church. Twice I’ve lost all my friends because of rejection. I’ve been married 5 times. I have bipolar and all the issues that surround that. OMG! The list goes on and I must stop.

    Point is… Even in the midst of horror, life waits for us to embrace it, to enjoy it and be healed by it.

    Terry

    1. Eloquently put. Nature teaches us about life, in its simplistic form. There isn’t much more I can add to this post. Loved it. I can picture myself following your tracks.

  4. I feel as you do Ilana on some things. I’m obviously not going through what your going through with Daniel but the anger and frustration is there because I get no support now. Not even from my husband. I’m sure the people in my life care they just don’t help or show concern like they should. I did have the caring from my ex-husband even when we were divorced he cared about me and showed it but he didn’t care enough to not commit suicide and my father cared the most and showed it everyday but he died an early death from cancer. I’m still mad about both of these loses.

    Life goes on and I have to push myself to keep going. I’ve accepted that I’m not going to get much better. Then I think about the people that have it a lot worse than me and I just thank God I’m still here and I can keep going.

    1. Lisa you probably feel no different to how the world behaves and feels. I think people have forgotten how to care, although there are probably some exceptions.

      Maybe just try and focus on your health right now, that is probably the most important thing for you to do because without your health you will struggle more. Once you’re on top of that, you can go back in and deal with your other issues from family.

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