A Deidre Wallace quote

Something inspirational:

“What you internalise from your parent’s relationship will affect all your relationships.”


9 Apr, 2015

10 thoughts on “A Deidre Wallace quote

  1. I agree with this quote. When I was young my Mom married my stepdad. He was a nice man until he drank drink, then the drama would unfold.

    But it helped me to realize that I didn’t want to marry someone who was like that; come home drunk and starting a fight with me. I am totally against drinking for that reason.

    Luckily my hubby agrees with me that drinking brings out bad behaviour and has been sober for 2 years and 9 months. Since him sobering up our relationship has gotten a lot better and we’re closer than before.

    1. Thanks Maria. Yes I agree. I know from my own childhood whatever emotional or physical problems our parents’ carry, we will always struggle, as you yourself have experienced with your stepdad’s drinking.

      It must have been particularly hard for you, but in a way your experiences have helped shape you. You came out knowing what you didn’t want for yourself, which isn’t altogether bad. I learned the same thing through my own experiences growing up.

      Unfortunately internalising other people’s issues isn’t just a parent thing; whether we internalise our own issues or another person’s issues will always have a knock on effect on our own relationships.

      This quote is spot on.

  2. “You live what you know” has been the expression that comes to mind and what I have done for the longest time. My life would be considered very boring, but compared to the alternatives, I’ll take it.

    My parents never set very good examples so it isn’t surprising I put myself in the same type of relationships, without fully realising it. Now all I can do is try not to continue to do the same things I used to do, so my life won’t continue to be the same way as it used to be!

    1. Thanks Randy. A very good expression and so true. We do live exactly what we know, what we’ve been taught and what influences we’ve had. But all of those things unless they’ve been positive will begin to be internalised by us.

      I myself (as I am sure you have to) have had to learn and re-learn everything. I used to internalise everything as a child, but soon came to realise that a lot of what I was internalising was negative, so had to relearn to do things more positively.

      It’s not impossible, I believe anyone can do it, but we owe it to ourselves Randy to stop and change. Although bad habits are hard for us to break, they can be broken. By all means internalise, but make sure that we are internalising is only positive.

      I agree wholeheartedly with this quote.

  3. Good quote, and I like Randy’s quote too. They are both very true. However, what I have learned is that you can change things so you don’t have to ‘live what you know.’

    In fact our past experiences are often valuable lessons in how not to do things. I’m not quite sure what I learned from my parents relationship; I was too busy bringing myself up to notice.

    1. Thank you. Yes I like Randy’s quote too. That is exactly what we do. I believe like you that our past experiences are valuable lessons in how not to do things. We have a life, we must choose how we live it.

      As children we are very limited as to what we can do and it’s easy to absorb everything we hear, but we can turn things round when we’re an adult. We can do that through those valuable lessons on ‘how not to do things,’ so that we change the internal dialogue.

  4. This quote has a lot of truth to it. We develop a basic ability to read, understand and judge things when we become of age and we possess the freedom and responsibility to decide on our own how to manage our affairs.

    It’s stretching it a bit to say that what we internalize from our parents will affect all relationships to come; that’s just not very practical. I think our relationships are pretty much determined by how we decide to mould them; not by what has influenced us or what we have internalized from our parents.

    1. Thanks Tim. Speaking from my own experience of family I have seen how easy is it to internalise and take on our parents’ issues. if we consciously continue to assess things as we go, then I believe it may be possible to mould our relationships, but that will always depend on the person we’re having the relationship with.

      On a daily basis we don’t stop to think about our conscious choices and how we can change things. The bigger problem is that any baggage or issues we carry, do determine future relationships, if there is a problem with those issues.

  5. Watching how my dad treated my mom because of his machismo and alcoholism, I swore to myself that I wouldn’t marry someone like him. I didn’t want to be in a relationship where I was always being yelled at and treated almost like a maid.

    I would say I have succeeded because I married someone that detests the taste of alcohol and is not controlling.

    1. Thanks Maria. Yes we tend to learn a lot from our parents’ relationships. I said the same thing too about my own father when I was a small child. My circumstances were slightly different to yours, but I still had the same thoughts.

      I’m so pleased you’re with someone who is a completely different to your father and that you are now living a different life.

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