A question of trust

As children, we’re told and believe many things by adults and that’s the way it should be. But what happens when an adult tells a child that everything will be okay, but in reality that child is left with a situation where that clearly doesn’t happen?

What if that were to happen where a relationship ended, or just before a parent died? We’d be left with problems that would never be resolved, in a place that would bring about different thoughts and a completely different understanding.

I have learned over the years not to put too much importance on situations or events that happen in my life, but instead try to understand why those situations or events arise instead. That way I don’t get upset if the outcome isn’t what I expect. That said, although we may understand a given situation, we still have to understand the person behind a situation and that’s always a little more difficult.

Would that change the way we perceive that person? I believe it would, but that we mustn’t draw too much importance to what a person says, but instead try to understand why that person will say what they say. Once we understand the person, we will understand why they will say what they say. From my own experiences of life, people often say things that don’t turn out the way they say they will.

Finally, we can never change what a person says or why they say what they say. We have no control over other people’s thoughts. All we can do is change ourselves and our perceptions on what they say and that’s what I always try to do.

20 Jul, 2014

6 thoughts on “A question of trust

  1. As children I think we have a great trust in the adults in our life. We trust what they say and don’t doubt it. My husband told his daughter for years that her name meant “brat” in german and of course she believed him until she was old enough to doubt it and looked it up and found the truth.

    It has been a joke and we all laugh about it now, but it just shows how much a child will trust an adult and believe what they say as the truth. I don’t remember a lot about my childhood or the truths my parents told me. I think they pretty much told me the truth about things though.

    I tend to tell my children the truth and not fallacies. My son has been through so much medically already and I always tell him the truth with reassurance. I don’t know how much he understands right now though, because of his brain atrophy. He is very smart, but some things he doesn’t understand.

    1. Thanks Lisa! Yes children do have a great trust in the adults in their life and which is why adults should always tell the truth, in an appropriate way that children will understand regardless.

      From my own experiences, not telling the truth only serves to set everyone up for problems later on, not to mention highlighting the obvious problems that arise from trust.

  2. I’ve always thought there should be a requirement that a potential parent pass a course in parenting before having a child. I’m sure developmental psychologists have much to say about parenting strategies and the effects bad parenting have on children.

    Yet parents are authoritarian figures and nurturers, we naturally look to them for guidance; but parents are human and when they fail it is a question of trust.

    You are successfully enjoying a unique opportunity to raise your children the right way because of your experiences; that’s nature taking corrective action.

    Good post.

    1. Thanks Tim. I understand your sentiments behind your words, but to be honest I am not too sure how practical that would be! It certainly would have helped me in my childhood though.

      Whatever happens in our childhood, we must all try to change things for our own children. All relationships are about trust. When that trust is broken it’s so difficult to get that back.

  3. Tim’s post resonates with me. I knew someone who constantly said there is no test to being a parent. I think that person used that as an excuse somehow.

    As for trust, well that really is the backbone of any successful relationship. When that trust is lost, then it is incumbent on ourselves to deal with that situation and its consequences, appropriately.

    1. I agree with you. I’ve heard it said ‘we don’t go to school to be a parent,’ but I personally believe it’s a get out clause for anyone not doing a good enough job in the first place.

      In our minds, it makes what we do okay, but the reality is completely different. Trust is in place for a reason. We rely on it and therefore it must never be broken.

      We’re all accountable to each other. It would be great if when we did something wrong, we learned to accept that we have. No one likes to admit when they’re wrong or that they’ve done something wrong.

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