Unless anger is dealt with, it eats away at our very core, until of course we choose to deal with it. It can also make us ill. It’s a substitute emotion. Unconsciously, we make ourselves angry so that we don’t have to feel pain.
What is anger?
It’s an emotional response to something that is either being ignored, or to a perceived provocation brought about by someone else. Anger implies all is not well with us, with the world. It’s an emotion that involves a strong uncomfortable and emotional response, hurt or threat. When our boundaries are being violated, anger will always be used.
In my own case, anger stemmed from being ignored on the very issue I needed to know about and being blamed for always being angry, without thinking that I might have needed help. We can be angry; but also have a sense of pride because of our reasoning behind why we’re angry. Being angry can make us stubborn and being stubborn means we won’t back down.
But if parents understood or took the time to evaluate why their child might be angry, children wouldn’t stay angry for long and wouldn’t grow up with anger. The environment we grow up is a breeding ground for anger. If we live in a dysfunctional family, the likelihood is we will grow up with anger, more than if we grow up in a supported and loving family.
Sadly, whilst we’re continually being blamed for being angry, we remove ourselves from the blame and continue to blame others instead, particularly if issues aren’t being addressed. Looking back for myself, my anger would never changed because my circumstances needed to change and that never happened.
And anger, although not the best way to conduct ourselves, sends a warning to others. It’s a cry for help. For those of us who deal with anger, it’s easier to change feelings of pain into anger, because it feels better to be angry, than it does to be in pain.
Anger is a mechanism that we use to cover up feelings of hurt, sadness and fear. I used it because I was dealing with all three. Hurt because my physical issues we’re constantly being ignored, sadness because I couldn’t do anything about it and fear because my environment was dysfunctional.