About anger

Unless anger is dealt with, it eats away at our very core, until of course we choose to deal with it. It can also make us ill. It’s a substitute emotion. Unconsciously, we make ourselves angry so that we don’t have to feel pain.

What is anger?

It’s an emotional response to something that is either being ignored, or to a perceived provocation brought about by someone else. Anger implies all is not well with us, with the world. It’s an emotion that involves a strong uncomfortable and emotional response, hurt or threat. When our boundaries are being violated, anger will always be used.

In my own case, anger stemmed from being ignored on the very issue I needed to know about and being blamed for always being angry, without thinking that I might have needed help. We can be angry; but also have a sense of pride because of our reasoning behind why we’re angry. Being angry can make us stubborn and being stubborn means we won’t back down.

But if parents understood or took the time to evaluate why their child might be angry, children wouldn’t stay angry for long and wouldn’t grow up with anger. The environment we grow up is a breeding ground for anger. If we live in a dysfunctional family, the likelihood is we will grow up with anger, more than if we grow up in a supported and loving family.

Sadly, whilst we’re continually being blamed for being angry, we remove ourselves from the blame and continue to blame others instead, particularly if issues aren’t being addressed. Looking back for myself, my anger would never changed because my circumstances needed to change and that never happened.

And anger, although not the best way to conduct ourselves, sends a warning to others. It’s a cry for help. For those of us who deal with anger, it’s easier to change feelings of pain into anger, because it feels better to be angry, than it does to be in pain.

Anger is a mechanism that we use to cover up feelings of hurt, sadness and fear. I used it because I was dealing with all three. Hurt because my physical issues we’re constantly being ignored, sadness because I couldn’t do anything about it and fear because my environment was dysfunctional.

9 Jul, 2017

6 thoughts on “About anger

  1. Anger is a natural response and is not always a bad emotion, but it’s what we do with it and how others receive it, that is problematic.

    Suppressing it can make us ill, so we should all try and control and discuss our anger before it becomes a problem for ourselves and others around us.

    1. Thanks, yes. Anger is a natural response, but sadly when it’s not controlled it’s not natural at all.

      It’s important we learn to channel our anger into positive things. Sadly, that isn’t and doesn’t happen. We only have to turn the t.v. on to see that.

  2. Anger is the one emotion that I have the most trouble with. I was a very angry child, for very obvious reasons, which nobody seemed to notice even when I was behaving in ways that were highly inappropriate.

    There was a part of myself that I came to despise and worked to disconnect from, but in the process also cut myself off from really feeling anything at all.

    This made my life highly unbearable seeing as I didn’t care about anyone or anything then, which meant I was only existing. What kind of life is that when you don’t feel much of anything and might as well be one of the ‘zombies?’

    No-one ever bothered to explain to me that it was okay to feel anger and all of the other emotions. It was a lot more of the opposite, as our feelings didn’t matter and they never would. What kind of parent tries to brainwash their kids into believing that they’re not supposed to feel anything, good or bad?

    I would have much rather been physically abused, seeing as that pain goes away and wounds will eventually heal. Psychic wounds never do and the most you can do is try to keep them bandaged over, so that people don’t poke sticks into them like they always seem to enjoy doing.

    Once I lost that energy source and gave up fighting, it’s no wonder I became so much more depressed, to the point where I didn’t want to live anymore! Even when I had a wife, a daughter and pretty much everything to live for, I still felt so hollow inside.

    It’s only recently that I have felt strong enough to plug that connection back in, seeing as I’m going to need that anger to do what needs to be done to break that programming and shut it down.

    Once I do that, I can then work on reprogramming myself so that I can actually enjoy living, for probably the first time in my life!

    1. It’s a difficult one to call Randy. When it comes to abuse, I’m not sure which is worse. I know that with physical abuse the wounds heal, but emotionally I’m not sure we get away with not being scarred.

      I’m pleased that you have got yourself to the stage where you’re feeling strong enough to deal with the things you have to deal with now. I’m not sure when I stopped ‘being angry,’ but life does get easier when we can can leave our anger behind.

  3. I’ve dealt with anger since I was 18, I believe. I was rebellious at that age and going against my parents’ wishes.

    I would stay out past curfew (yes I had a curfew at 18. As long as I lived in my parents’ home I had a curfew. It lasted until I got married at age 22, when I moved out).

    Then I had anger issues with my spouse, whom was verbally and physically abusive. I got out of that after 5 years and a few years later remarried a wonderful man. Now I have or had anger issues after my heart attack.

    At one point I was so angry because I was so weak I told my husband he shouldn’t have agreed to let my live (which was an option because my heart function was so low and I only had a 1 in 3 chance of surviving the surgery.)

    But he choose life for me and today I’m very glad he did. My anger comes and goes now. I’m angry because my body lets me down. I just have to accept that I wasn’t living as healthy a lifestyle.

    1. Thanks, I for one am pleased your husband saved you. I also love your honesty Lisa. I believe we learn a lot through our anger, how we must learn to channel our anger and deal with our anger issues.

      You’re absolutely right though, we must find an acceptance on what we deal with and work on changing the issues that clearly didn’t work for us. If we can become better people, we will have learned out lessons, not only about life but about us and how we best function.

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