About blame

Do you still get blamed for the things you’re not responsible for and is that blame being directed towards someone who clearly isn’t to blame or remotely responsible?

The mind continues to reason, understands the logic and the reasoning, but still won’t let it go. Perhaps we think that if we let go of blaming someone that would escalate into us carrying even more guilt. Unfortunately, when we carry with the blame game, all we’re doing is shifting the blame on to someone else, without taking any form of responsibility for ourselves if we are to blame.

It’s important that although we may not initially be to blame for where we find ourselves, we must take responsibility for moving on with our lives instead of shifting the blame on to someone else. Spiritually we cannot heal without letting go of someone else’s guilt, which we then choose to direct at someone else.

The truth is we should own and take responsibility for ourselves, regardless of whether we’re initially to blame. If we decide to direct what we feel at another person, we need take responsibility for that too.

26 May, 2015

8 thoughts on “About blame

  1. I wasn’t very good at owning up to stuff when I was a child or accepting responsibility for my actions, which weren’t always kind, unfortunately.

    It is part of maturity that we recognise the need to accept blame where we are responsible for it, but need to look beyond the words and actions of others, because as you say they might be passing on the blame that someone has put on to them.

    The important point is where responsibility is ours we need to own it, but also need to understand where it is coming from if others are shifting it on us. However in my case if blame was pointed in my direction as a child, it was usually justified.

    1. Thank you. I agree. Yes, maturity for some people brings about a whole new thought process for them being able to accept responsibility for something they’ve said or done.

      For others, they will continue to go through life blaming others without accepting responsibility for the part they’ve played. I think if we have the ability to accept our responsibilities; we will be better people for it.

      We cannot spiritually or emotionally grow without taking responsibility for ourselves, whatever that responsibility is.

  2. I happened to have a conversation with my mom today and I was telling her how I never knew until this year that I limped.

    She told me her and my dad tried to keep everything ‘normal’ and so never pointed out the obvious. But everyone agrees that I walk like I’m drunk. That was need to me!

    1. The fact that you can say something to your mum and your mum comes back without choosing to defend herself is absolutely amazing. All credit to your mum and I’m pleased for you. Not all children get that.

      It sounds as though you came through your childhood with support in other ways. That always helps, even if the issues we are dealing with are slightly ignored in certain ways.

  3. I was never blamed much or held responsible much growing up. Having limitations and being the youngest of three kids will do that.

    Of course now that isn’t the way it is. I really do wish I was given some sort of responsibility as a child.

    1. Thanks Bonnie. Your words are music to my ears about your mum. Given the fact that you were born with Cerebral Palsy meant you would never be given responsibility, but it’s nothing you did. I am not sure how much parents really understand disability in the true sense.

      Parents tend to wrap their children up in cotton wool when it comes to their child who deals with a disability, primarily because it’s easier for them to do things for us, than it is for us to do those things for ourselves. There is still a lot of ignorance out there of people’s understanding of disability. It needs to be brought into the public domain more.

      It’s important that both children and adults with a disability are treated fairly, but until more understanding is brought into the equation, you and I and many others like us who deal with a disability, will always have this aspect to deal with.

      More is being done, but it’s still not enough and it doesn’t go far enough. Families also need to understand, because they are the ones who can make the biggest difference.

  4. Thank you Ilana for your kind words. I never saw myself being disabled ever and I completely agree with every word you say.

    Everyone has their own values they can flourish with and I believe this is your true talent. Helping people like us the way you do and helping others feel better about themselves in their own unique situations.

    Your family has to be so proud of you!

    1. Awww thanks Bonnie. I’m so pleased to be able to help. It’s friends like you that make all the difference.

      I couldn’t do what I do without friends like you responding and supporting me by responding. Thank you.

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Many thanks
Ilana x