Baggage and relationships

The emotional baggage we carry from our childhood into our relationships is the main reason why relationships often fail.

Emotional baggage are two words that have masses of implications and is the main reason why relationships fail, particularly when we ignore the fact that we’re carrying baggage and as we fail to acknowledge we even have baggage, relationships will always continue to fail.

We don’t come through our childhood completely unscathed, but whereas some of us will be at least willing to accept that we have baggage, others won’t even recognise they have any. It’s someone else’s problem, until we recognise it as our own.

Dealing with any past issues, allows us to continue to make better choices as we continue to move forward with our lives. Without some of those past experiences, we wouldn’t understand our lives now. We learn that the most important part of emotional baggage is not the baggage itself, but how we handle the baggage.

How we relate to the issues very much becomes the issues. If we deal with something in an over-reactive and unreasonable way, it stands to reason that becomes the issue, not the issue itself.

We can be forgiven for feeling badly about something we deal with, but we cannot be forgiven for how we work through our issues, particularly if other people are on the receiving end of those issues.

When we deal with baggage, we leave very little room for arguments, disagreements, or crossed words, all of which stem from baggage.

28 Mar, 2015

8 thoughts on “Baggage and relationships

  1. My baggage has kept me a prisoner in my own mind for most of my life, which people don’t seem to believe or either really care! Only now I seem able to look back and realize how much I have truly missed out on because I was so afraid of actually living my life.

    The other part is that the majority of the baggage wasn’t even mine, but forced upon me by my own parents not dealing with their own baggage. I compare it to trying to drag around a tractor trailer truck behind me and wondering why I couldn’t seem to get anywhere!

    We watched “August:Osage County,” last night and it’s a prime example of parents forcing their own children to suffer because they had such terrible childhoods. Misery not only loves company but quite often demands it! “Hurt people hurt people!” is the expression I think of to describe people like this!

    My opinion is that if you don’t want to have children, please don’t, because it just isn’t fair to the children who aren’t asking to be born in the first place. I just find it to be so highly insulting when people say things like “They did the best they could with what they had!” which is such a crock.

    People who haven’t been through it can’t even begin to comprehend what it’s like to grow up feeling like your very existence is such a “burden” to the people who are supposed to take care of you. I think I have paid for the sins of my parents more than enough for 10 lifetimes!

    I have to let go of their baggage before it drags me down to a place where I don’t care about my life anymore.

    1. Thanks Randy. Gotcha! I think you’re absolutely right in what you say. My mum used to tell me, “we don’t go to school to be a parent.” To me it always sounded like a copout for whatever mistakes she made.

      I agree we must let go of other people’s baggage before their baggage drags us down even further and interfere with an already fragile relationship.

  2. For years I carried the emotional baggage from my past, until it became too much for me to carry any more and I had an emotional breakdown.

    Even though it was one of the worst things that happened to me, it was also a good thing. It allowed me to open my eyes and realize I don’t need to worry any more about how my family has treated me in the past and continues to treat me today. It’s their problem if they choose to be ignorant and unsympathetic to what I live through, while living with CP.

    Since then I have gained more confidence and this has helped me to keep my past emotional baggage under control. I believe that your Diary has helped me too.

    1. Awww thanks Maria. Your second paragraph has made my day. I’m so pleased you came to your own conclusions about your family and that you have chosen not to worry about them anymore.

      I’ve always thought it someone else’s problem if they choose to behave a certain way, although it would go on to take me many years to let that go.

      I love your confidence Maria. Thank you for letting me know that my diary has helped. Thank you.

  3. As long as we admit to having emotional baggage from our past, I see no reason it should interfere with the health of any relationship; it’s manageable.

    The problem is when we refuse to come to terms with our emotional challenges and when we take a passive aggressive stance towards the people we’re dealing with.

    We can try to love the pain away, but there’s nothing we can do about the past.

    1. Thanks Tim. You’re absolutely right, as long as our emotions coming from our unconscious and conscious are in sync with each other. When they’re not, sadly our unconscious thoughts (past experiences that play out) will always take centre stage.

      I agree with you. We can’t change past events, but we can change how we perceive those events.

  4. I think Tim and Maria are right, we all come with baggage that’s inevitable.

    Accepting that is another matter and it’s that acceptance that we must first learn in order to move on and learn from the past, rather than be tied to it.

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