Being unpredictable

9 Apr 2017

There are two types of thought on being unpredictable. The first one is accepted as part of life, the second is too scary to even think about.

We can be unpredictable by going out of our way by doing something kind for someone and because that other someone isn’t expecting it. That is unpredictable and is accepted. When something happens and we don’t foresee it, it’s exciting, welcome and unpredictable.

The other type of unpredictability is abusive and scary at times and can bring with it a sense of foreboding. Let there be no doubt that unpredictable in this manner is abuse. Living with someone whose behaviour is unpredictable is beyond scary, living with someone, never knowing what they’re feeling, or how their behaviour will turn.

We can never really know someone who is unpredictable, it’s the nature of what being unpredictable is, but it will always bring with it a sense of unease. We never also know why someone who is unpredictable turns, why they become enraged and on our part, we’re too often willing to make allowances, thinking their behaviour will change that somehow tomorrow will be different.

Having lived a dysfunctional life, I know how the unpredictability thing works. After a while it becomes an acquaintance, one that we wish we didn’t know. Unpredictability becomes the norm, things feel normal again for a short while and then things become scary all over again.

Like the changing seasons, unpredictable behaviour comes and goes, but the focus for us must always remain the same. We must move it away before unpredictability permanently moves in.

6 Responses to “Being unpredictable”

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  1. Brad 09. Apr, 2017 at 12:11 pm #

    I like your explanation of unpredictability. It has both positive and negative contexts and there is no place for the nasty unpredictability in a relationship.

    • Ilana 09. Apr, 2017 at 12:18 pm #

      Thank you. Yes, there is no place for unpredictability in a relationship that spreads animosity and hurt, but it seems to be more common place today, with the amount of stress people have in their lives.

      Instead of accepting that this is what we do, we make an excuse, ‘that it’s not us’ but there can and is no excuse for any type of hurtful behaviour.

      If it comes out of our mouths, we are responsible.

  2. Randy 10. Apr, 2017 at 2:27 pm #

    Well, once again, your post applies to my current dilemmas. My friend has been asking for the longest time, why I stay in the relationship I’m in and her being predictably unpredictable is one of the major reasons.

    For me it was actually the norm in the world I grew up in, with parents who were highly unstable and prone to outbursts of stupidity. We never knew what to expect from day to day. Like would they be mad at us for no good reason or would we be moving cross country again at the drop of a dime? How can you even prepare for something that most of the time you never see coming?

    We were exposed to people, places and things that no child should ever have to see, let alone experience, which is why I have things like PTSD and agoraphobia!

    So many people like my girlfriend enjoy being spontaneous, whereas I find it to be terrifying and absolutely refuse to do things that way. I have gotten to the point where I really enjoy my life being calm and predictable, which a lot of people find very boring, but then again they didn’t have my childhood.

    They didn’t have to go through going to bed hungry or waking up terrified and wondering where the hell you were. Today it’s a matter of reminding myself that it is okay to have the life that I want, versus always doing what’s best for everyone else. It may cost me a relationship and a place to live but it isn’t like I haven’t been through it a 100 times before.

    I’m sure I will survive in the end and may even have a chance to be happy for once in my life.

    • Ilana 10. Apr, 2017 at 3:37 pm #

      Thanks Randy. Yes, as the saying goes, ‘it’s better to come from a broken home than to live in one.’ And I tend to buy into that philosophy.

      I feel for you. The parent issue for you is finished, but if the relationship you’re now isn’t right, it’s important for you to either work on changing the issues, or find and work on a relationship that is more beneficial to you.

      Living with someone who is unpredictable, makes our lives unpredictable and that can be scary. As you say though, you’re already dealing with PTSD and agoraphobia, therefore it’s important those in your life offer their support.

      Without it Randy, unfortunately it will be a decision you must make.

  3. Tim 11. Apr, 2017 at 9:25 pm #

    My reaction time to unpredictability is much slower these days. Yet, I pick up negative thought patterns pretty fast, but that’s always too late.

    • Ilana 12. Apr, 2017 at 6:18 am #

      Perhaps there’s an element of wishful thinking in there Tim, that you weren’t always having to work on the unpredictabilities; or perhaps you’re tired of having to be on your guard all the time so emotionally you’re switched off more.

      There will always be unforeseen circumstances that is the nature of our lives sometimes, but when it comes to family, they need to be more accountable and supportive, which would make them less unpredictable; particularly when referring to unpredictability that is both abusive and scary.

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