Children & parenting

The hardest part for any parent is to watch their children grow as they start to make their own decisions. Even with a solid foundation based on parents’ values; trust, love and experience doesn’t mean children will take or use their parents’ advice.

It doesn’t matter the child’s age, parenting should always be less about control and more about offering support and guidance. With so much pressure on parents and children today, it still comes as no surprise that children will want to put their own slant on things.

As unique and individual as we are, so too is our decision-making. No two thought processes will be the same, but through sensible, smart, articulate and responsible reasoning on the part of the parent, there’s no reason why a child won’t begin to think and see things through their parents’ eyes eventually, it may just take maturity to do it.

There are children who will use their parents as a sounding block to bounce off new ideas and are happy to do so, but from my own experience the more independent the child, the less dependent they are on their parents. I take the view that as long as the right foundations are in place and make sense, children will eventually begin to take those early foundations on board.

As long as the foundations we put in place come from a place of care, I’m also not seeing a reason why children won’t.

1 Apr, 2015

6 thoughts on “Children & parenting

  1. I’ve done my best to parent my daughter and advise her when needed. She still won’t take my advice even though I think it is sound, good advice.

    I will say something and then she will pop up one day and say someone else told her something and she takes their advice and it will be the same thing I said.

    She refuses to listen to reason and hopefully things will not turn and bite her. She puts herself in the worse situations and expects everything to be peaches and cream.

    1. It’s not you Lisa. I think life and what we deal with can sometimes get in the way and it’s that takes us away from what makes good common sense. I’m also not sure why children always seem to take advice from someone who isn’t a parent.

      Perhaps it’s a parent and child thing. It’s not that they don’t believe what we say, they would rather take the advice from someone who isn’t their parent.

  2. Parenting isn’t a skill I learned from my childhood but had to wing it with my own daughter!

    I wanted so badly to be a good father to her, but failed her in more ways than I care to admit. It’s really hard to do something that no one ever taught you how to do and that’s what it came down to.

    To make a long story very short, my daughter was mostly raised by her mother and it really shows. She has kept her isolated and dependent which has kept her safe, but has also not allowed her to spread her wings and fly! It’s a daily reminder that I didn’t fight for her when I had the chance, so she was the one who really suffered.

    Only now do I really have a chance to be a parent when she’s an adult; on the verge of losing her mother. She wants my support, but not my help so my hands are really tied. It’s just such a shame because she could really have so much more of a life but is choosing not to.

    A wise man told me once that the most you can really do is try to teach them right from wrong and hope for the best, which is what I have to do now!

    1. I think we can all look back on such negative times Randy, but I’m not sure how much good that would be.

      It’s hard enough being a parent, but from what you say Randy, your circumstances were slightly more complicated, particularly where children are involved. I am sure at the time, the choices you made will have seemed to be the right choice for you, given your circumstances.

      It’s easy in hindsight to look back and question the choices we make. Unfortunately children will always take sides, particularly in these kind of circumstances. All you can do now is be there so that your daughter sees you’re trying to be the father you couldn’t be when she was little.

      Sometimes it’s important not to question, just learn to accept that sometimes our circumstances are what they are and it’s time to move forward.

      You had your reasons. Try not to be so down on yourself.

  3. Parenting three totally different kids is not easy. I have to bring into consideration each child’s personality.

    My youngest is only 3. He is very mischievous, so he’s difficult to keep up with. At least his constant happy mood makes it easier to deal with him.

    My middle child is very emotionally, sensitive. We need to be careful how we say things to her because she might take it the wrong way. Most of the time she is a good child and minds our advice.

    My teenager is a totally different case. She is at the age when she’s trying to discover her own identity. In most cases, according to her, her friends know more than us, her parents, do. I worry because she is naive. Fortunately, I have noticed that our advice is slowly sinking in.

    Also, parenting is not easy with two parents that have totally different views on how to parent. I constantly find myself butting heads with my husband because we don’t agree on how to handle a parenting situation. He becomes more easily frustrated, especially with our teenager.

    1. Thanks Maria. It’s great that you’re bringing each child’s personality into consideration and that you recognise each of their character traits.

      I know how difficult parenting can be and think you’re absolutely right, it’s difficult coming into any partnership from different backgrounds and cultures.

      Given our different upbringings, parents will always have a difference of opinions and disagreements when it comes to parenting teens and young children.

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