Compatibility doesn’t have to be with a partner or spouse, it can be with someone we hang out with, a girlfriend, boyfriend, anyone we share a friendship or relationship with.
Is compatibility something we stop to think about or analyse? On a conscious level, I don’t think we do, but if we did think about it, I’m not sure it would be in any great detail.
The problem for most of us, is that personal goals are not always evident early on in our lives and it’s those goals that unconsciously interfere with how we feel about ourselves and that impinges on our relationship with others.
By the time some of us reach our twenties or thirties, we do have some idea of which way we want our life to go. We feel more secure in ourselves and are therefore able to relate to others better. Those who still struggle may want to further their careers, others who don’t struggle, may be happy to relax a little, having already achieved some of their goals without wanting to settle down.
For those who struggle, compatibility may not be something they can aspire to just yet. Compatibility comes about when we’re happier in ourselves, and wanting to work together, to share common goals and to share our life with someone. We must be emotionally ready. Instead we come into our relationships with baggage, and that baggage interferes with our relationships. Making decisions may also bring different reactions from our parents, which may not always be compatible with the other person.
Then we have material possessions and money. We may also have different attitudes on bringing children up. Our philosophical attitudes tend to come from education, beliefs, parents and peers and how we believe the world works. What works and what is right for what we want isn’t necessarily right for that of our spouse or partner.
Then there are other questions. What about optimism? Is your cup half empty? Are you open to change? Do you accept your partner’s point of view, or do you always have to be right? Does your partner fall into line?
It’s okay to be individual; that’s how we make it in the world. It’s okay to have different values, but it’s important we accept, support, understand and love those we’re with, not stand in judgment or pick holes because we don’t agree.
I think that once we manage to achieve common ground and the relationship is able to grow, we will have compatibility. We have to want the same things.
From my experiences growing up, opinions on culture, background, parentage and status, should firmly be left out of relationships.