Compatibility & relationships

Compatibility doesn’t have to be with a partner or spouse, it can be with someone we hang out with, a girlfriend, boyfriend, anyone we share a friendship or relationship with. Is it something we stop to think about or analyse? On a conscious level, I don’t think we do, but if we did think about it, I’m not sure it would be in any great detail.

The problem is that personal goals are not always evident early on in our lives and it is those goals that unconsciously interfere with how we feel about ourselves and that impinges on our relationship with others.

By the time some of us reach our twenties or thirties, we have some idea of which way we want our life to go. We feel more secure in ourselves and are therefore able to relate to others better. Those who still struggle may want to further their careers, others who don’t struggle, may be happy to relax a little, having already achieved some of their goals without wanting to settle down.

For those who struggle, compatibility may not be something they can aspire to just yet. Compatibility comes about when we’re happier in ourselves and wanting to work together, to share common goals and to share our life with someone.  We must be emotionally ready.

Instead we come into our relationships with baggage and that baggage interferes with our relationships. Making decisions may also bring different reactions from our parents, which may not always be compatible with our choice of partner.

Then we have material possessions and money. We may also have different attitudes on bringing children up. Our philosophical attitudes tend to come from education, beliefs, parents and peers and how we believe the world works. What works and what is right for what we want, isn’t necessarily right for that of our spouse or partner.

Then there are other questions. What about optimism? Is your cup half empty? Are you open to change? Do you accept your partner’s point of view, or do you always have to be right? Does your partner fall into line?

It’s okay to be individual that’s how we make it in the world. It’s okay to have different values, but it’s important we accept, support, understand and love those we’re with, not stand in judgment or pick holes because we don’t or can’t agree.

Once we achieve common ground and the relationship is able to grow, we will have compatibility. We have to want the same things. Opinions on culture, background, parentage and status, should firmly be left out of relationships.

26 May, 2011

6 thoughts on “Compatibility & relationships

  1. I think in this world we all have to be open to change in order to grow.

    Change is difficult, but sometimes when you do it the rewards are amazing. I know I have had this experience in my life it gave me a job I absolutely loved. Gave me a lot of personal growth.

    I also met a great person who changed my life for the better.

    1. Yes of course. When we grow we become more worldly so that we are capable of fitting comfortably into our lives.

      Just because we grow, doesn’t mean we will be any more compatible, but it is being compatible that helps us live our life. I feel that being compatible is very important, it’s the backbone and basis of any relationship.

      I am pleased Randy that you met a great friend who changed your life for the better.

  2. I think there is give and take in all relationships.

    The problem is that people don’t want to give enough and older relationships is harder because people have lived years doing things the way they want and are “set” in their ways.

    We need to learn that different ways of doing things may be better and that in relationships communication is a key thing. You have to be able to communicate with each other in any kind of relationship.

    Sometimes the truth may hurt, but it’s for our own good. I have a real good friend that I know is a true friend because we can tell each other anything and still stay friends.

    1. As you say, give and take in relationships is so important. Unfortunately that’s not what happens, because we don’t know how to give and let go.

      We also need to let go of our past and learn to accept and adapt into any new relationship. I believe that once we learn to let go, compatibility is more likely to happen. I also believe people are too quick to want to change others.

      You are right we do have to communicate and for some that works beautifully, but even when we have used communication as a tool, will we still be compatible? Our partners don’t have to agree with the point we’re trying to make.

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