Confronting those who abuse

Abuse is abuse, whichever form it takes, but no matter how it presents, it has become so common place, we don’t even think or see it as abuse. But unless we’re speaking with compassion, empathy and understanding, everything else is abuse.

Sadly, we would rather walk on egg-shells and tip-toe around people, than confront those who abuse. We have our reasons, but what we must do, is inform those who abuse us that we’re calling time on the way they conduct their relationship with us. In time, abuse fragments our spiritual and psychological health.

As hard as it is to confront people who abuse, it’s especially hard when it happens through a spouse, a parent, or a child. But anything that belies a harmful tone, is abuse. Abuse even if it is considered mild, can be harmful. And the longer it continues, the more drained and battered we become.

There are different types of abuse and they include physical, mental, emotional, financial, sexual, spiritual and verbal. But it is important we recognise abuse, if we are to get past it. Living in the present whilst abuse is happening, is the best way to recognise it. Having our say and it coming from the heart, I believe is the best way to start.

I remember my own experience of confronting abuse. The abuse got so bad, I had to distance myself for a period of weeks. Something happened soon after that where I was asked to make contact, but not before that person got in touch with me to apologise for his behaviour. It was the hardest call I’ve ever had to make and the longest.

It wasn’t an easy call, but it worked because the dynamics changed completely after that. Saying what we feel helps. On our part, it’s important we take the first step. It’s also important that we reclaim our power and say ‘yes’ to ourselves and ‘no’ to others when it’s necessary.


15 May, 2018

4 thoughts on “Confronting those who abuse

  1. As a child I was basically forced to take the pain so to speak and wasn’t really allowed to confront my abuser, since it happened to be my own Mother.

    She expected me to tolerate whatever kind of behavior I was forced to deal with, which eventually turned into learned helplessness and the seeming inability to defend myself, or confront those who were treating me badly.

    There are times when I think I would have much rather been physically abused, since that kind of pain goes away and scars will heal up. Years of psychological abuse and torture creates wounds that never seem to heal no matter how much work you do.

    I have to learn how to confront those kind of people, like everyone else does since I shouldn’t have to suffer any longer.

    1. Thanks Randy. Yes I believe it’s important we give ourselves the opportunity to confront those who abuse us.

      I am sure it would have helped you to talk to your mother about how you felt. It’s not that she would have agreed, but it’s not about the other person agreeing, it’s about you being able to say what you need to say.

      Does anyone ever admit what they do? Not always, but it does make us feel a lot better about our experiences; being able to confront those who abuse.

  2. Abuse can be subtle but very deliberate. Pretty nifty for the abuser, of course.

    But when abuse becomes insidious, your only option is to clear your space until you stand upright again; that’s when you really feel the power. And that’s when you know it will never happen again.

    1. Thanks Tim. Clearing our space between us and those who abuse is absolutely right, but we tend not to stay away long enough for it to make a difference.

      I also think it depends on the abuse. As you say ‘abuse’ can be subtle but very deliberate and powerful. Perhaps it is because it’s subtle that we’re not aware it is abuse. We may put it down to how the other person is,

      But we must keep our eyes open. Abuse is abuse. We need to be clear on that.

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