Control can be very much part of our lives if we let it. Whether it’s from a family member or friend, it’s important to our health and wellbeing not to let that happen.

There is often someone in our lives who outwardly means well, but has a controlling side to them that we don’t always equate or tap into; or we turn a blind eye because it’s easier; less complicated that way.

So how do you know when someone is controlling you? Being controlled means we lose our individuality, particularly when decisions are made for us, usually brought about by someone with a need to control. Another characteristic of controlling behaviour is heightened sensitivity. That person may become sensitive at something you say that someone else would see as constructive and yet they see it as a criticism of themselves.

They may also be jealous of others’ relationships, particularly if it means that person spending time with someone else or paying attention to someone else. There are people who have had particularly hard backgrounds, who don’t always manage to cope with their lives and become controlling as a means of taking control of their own lives for however long they can.

There are also people who care, who don’t always show traits of excessive, abnormal behaviour, but may be insecure having had very little input from their own childhood and although their behaviour is controlling, it’s usually done in good grace, but can still be harmful.


Any type of control is harmful to us emotionally and unless the cycle is broken, it’s very easy to replicate this kind of behaviour with our own children. It’s fine to be protective of our children, in many respects we need to, given the world we’re living in, but children need room to grow, to be able to make their own decisions and as parents that is what we need to allow them to do.

I am sure we all know one person in our life that is well intentioned, but perhaps controlling. Maybe now it’s time to take control and for us to change that. In my experience, it’s the only way to find peace.

16 Mar, 2011

6 thoughts on “Control

  1. I think there are a few people in my life that are that way.

    My mom is I know and a certain person that is currently living with us that I suspect controlling the situation in a way.

    I don’t like being controlled and I guess I used to be controlling. But I learned people are going to do what they want no matter what, so it’s a waste of my time trying to control someone.

    1. Lisa I think we probably have all had someone who has been that way with us in our lives, but the hard part is stopping ourselves from doing what we’ve seen and known from those who have been controlling. We tend to copy unless we know to change it.

      Thanks for your honesty.

  2. I live with a controlling person, however he knows he can only push me so far.

    I tend to limit my exposure to him so that we both can live in peace and harmony. We both live our lives separately even through we live in the same house.

    I help him when he needs it and our relationship is far from perfect, but we have made it work for us. A lot of good information here in this blog today.

    1. Thanks Randy. As I said in my response earlier, you are not alone. I am sure we all have have had one person in our lives that has been this way, I don’t believe any of us are free of it.

      I understand your sentiments completely. Thank you for being so honest about it. It helps to hear other people’s stories.

  3. Looking back I am sure we can all recall periods of our lives where we weren’t always in control.

    I guess the first step is the recognition that someone is having a controlling influence and then you can take steps to do something about it.

    1. We have had our fair share, but as you say; the first step of being able to change anything is recognition.

      That said, I believe it depends on who is doing the controlling and whether that person is willing to let go. Even with the best will in the world, if someone isn’t willing to give up control over someone else; no matter what one does to make them give up, I believe it will never happen unless something happens to change the course of events.

      Sad but I think very true.

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