Control, neglect & abuse

When we go through any type of abuse, psychologically we become different people. Sadly, abuse runs through the generations and in families. Children who are subjected to abuse, tend to have to adapt to their environment.

When I was growing up it was generally accepted that children were young enough to adapt to their circumstances, children were resilient, we bounced back, but given my own ‘story’ I don’t agree. It’s not that children adapt, they have no choice, they have to make their circumstances work, but they are still mentally affected by their childhoods.

But any behaviour that begins to change the way we see ourselves, needs to change. Parents get away with neglect and control, because it’s not recognised or seen as abuse and where one parent is controlling, the other parent will be controlled by their spouse.

As the child, it is difficult to know how to feel towards a parent who controls, or neglects, or uses control, or neglect as a means of parenting. But as parents we must do what’s best for our children, regardless of what’s gone before us. Parents who have been abused, will go on to abuse and the cycle continues.

The cycle doesn’t have to continue if we’re able to recognise its signs and work on change. When it comes to abuse, any respect and love a child has for their parents is misguided. As children, we are programmed into believing we must respect our parents no matter how bad their behaviour.

They’re our parents, we tend not to think about or see them in any other way, until now. Society is now beginning to wake up, to see that all is not what it seems. For some children sadly that’s a little bit too late.


23 May, 2018

2 thoughts on “Control, neglect & abuse

  1. I know in my case, we didn’t have a choice seeing as we were basically thrown to the wolves and expected to survive.

    Luckily I was a very smart kid and learned quickly, otherwise I’m sure I wouldn’t have ever been able to make it through what I did. On top of all this, my mother was brainwashing me into being her ’emotional teddy bear’ and if I didn’t do everything that she wanted, her tactic was to neglect me.

    One minute she was treating me like a prince and the next she would be acting like I was invisible, which I think was downright sadistic.

    This is exactly why I tend to subconsciously fall back into old patterns, seeing as nobody ever taught me the normal life skills that most people get to learn.

    Sadly, it is too late for so many kids who have fallen through the cracks, but we can still work on changing things when we can.

    1. Thanks. Yes, I get that. I also taught myself my own life skills. And I agree with you when you say, ‘we can still work on changing things when we can.’

      I believe we can, but we must be prepared to work through this in the long haul, because it’s a long way back. Living in the present is the best way I have found of working through our past.

      Sadly, when we work from the past, all we see is the past. I know because it’s something I used to do myself. But I know we can work on change because it’s something I’ve done.

      By looking for the opportunities and change, we bit by bit move ourselves emotionally forward.

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