Difficult people

We spend our lives having to put things right with difficult people, making good and adapting, because we feel we have little choice.

And difficult people will usually draw themselves to people who they know they can manipulate, because those people will always aim to please. I am sure all of us at some point will have had at least one person in their lives, who emulates this behaviour. They will always have us bending over backwards in endless attempts to please them.

Difficult people will continue to live their lives projecting their feelings on to us, as if their feelings are ours and on our part after a while, we’ll start believing it’s us with the problem. They will project their anger on to us, fail to take responsibility and will continue to pass the buck.

They will try to project their feelings on to us, primarily because we’re too afraid to walk away for fear of being left on our own and because we let them. On our part, because we’re always having to put things right, we will continue to defend and justify ourselves, because it’s what we’ve known and what we’ve always done.

Perhaps, therefore we need to be clear what belongs to us and what clearly belongs to them. We mustn’t let difficult people think we need to justify ourselves, or own what clearly doesn’t belong to us. We’re not responsible for what other people have to deal with or how they’re made to feel.

Finally, we should stop trying to please them, walk away, or if we can’t walk away come back when the mood has shifted.


8 Dec, 2015

6 thoughts on “Difficult people

  1. We all share our lives at some point in time with difficult people and others may well look at us as being the difficult one in a relationship.

    I can usually spot when someone is going to give me trouble and I gave up trying to please people who are difficult a while ago. If they want to be awkward with me that’s their choice, but I refuse to be drawn into their ‘game.’

    People don’t have to be difficult and as you rightly say. If they are then it’s down to them.

    1. I think we’re lucky if we don’t come across anyone in our lives who is difficult. The sad reality is that they’re in all walks of life, whether they’re part of the family scenario or in the work place.

      The sad reality is that the more disgruntled people are with their lives, the more difficult they become. Their behaviour tends to be a reflection of how they see themselves and that will have a marked effect on who they come into contact with.

      The hard part is turning the other cheek so we’re not affected by their behaviour and although you say you refuse to be drawn into their ‘game,’ it’s not so easy turning the other cheek when being difficult is something that constantly happens.

  2. It sounds like a few people may owe you a little of your time back. You are living and learning, and some people just don’t need a front row seat in your life.

    I want to be peaceful and un-apologetically myself before I descend into senility, without depressing or difficult people getting in my way.

    1. I am sure your second paragraph will resonate with so many. Thanks Tim.

      This is exactly how we should want to live our lives, but the sad reality for many of us, is that we won’t come to spend our lives like this.

  3. People pleasing has definitely been my downfall, which so many have taken advantage of over the years!

    I grew up with two parents who were very difficult people, who somehow expected us to make them happy when we were just kids. We didn’t need to be forced to make adult decisions on how to survive when we should have been able to be kids.

    They always blamed each other for their problems, when they should have been looking in the mirror. It isn’t surprising that I dealt with a lot of people who seemed to know how to pull my strings.

    Now at this point in my life, I need to learn how to live for myself and make myself happy!

    1. Thanks Randy. Perhaps we can look at this another way. The advantage of knowing difficult people is to learn how not to be difficult people ourselves.

      Parents, colleagues, friends… anyone we come into contact will either show us how to do things better, or as you refer in your response, in your parents’ case do things worse.

      It’s often a case of us learning ‘how not to do things’ and if our parents can give us that, I feel it’s a lesson well learned. At the end of the day if it means us changing our lives for the better, then it will have been worthwhile.

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